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November 13, 2006

Those pants are SLICK

Dumb Things Guys Say #1

Once upon a time, on a train... a dumb guy said a dumb thing. He complimented Lilith on her slick pants.

Those are some slick pants.

Lilith: Slick pants? My pants are slick? Is that a pickup line?

Guy: No, it's not a line.

Lilith: Good. Because that's a really shitty line. Hey... slick pants.

Guy: Don't worry I'm not hitting on you... I have a girlfriend.

Jezebel: Is she your GIRLFRIEND or your SORT OF girlfriend?

Guy: She's my girlfriend, we've been together for 2 years, we're in love.

Jezebel: How would she feel if she knew you were complimenting strange women on their slick pants?

Guy: You want to ask her?

Lilith: Yes I do.

Guy: (hands Lilith his cell phone) Here, this is her number, her name's Chloe. Just press 'Send'.

Lilith: (getting voicemail) Hello Chloe. This is Lilith. Your boyfriend thinks my pants are really slick. But don't worry, he's not hitting on me. He wouldn't do that. He just thinks the pants are slick. Have a nice day. Bye!

The Guy walks back to his friends and then we notice them looking at us.

Lilith: What do you all think my pants are SLICK? These are some slick fucking pants!

His Friend walks over.

Lilith: What do you think my pants are slick too?

Friend: I guess so.

Lilith: I don't know. I'm upset. They're all so concerned about the pants. No one has complimented me on my rack.

Friend: Well you have an excellent rack.

Lilith: Yes, I think I do.

Then the Friend stared at Lilith's rack for a minute and walked back to his friends.

We see the Guy talking on his cell phone and then the Friend comes back over.

Friend: Hey, what did you guys say to my friend he's really upset?

Lilith: Huh?

Friend: (gesturing to the Guy) His girlfriend called him all pissed off... did you really call her?

Lilith: Yeah.

Friend: Why'd you do that?

Jezebel: He told her to.

Friend: What'd you say to her?

Lilith: I told her that he thinks my pants are slick.

Friend: Why'd you do that?

Jezebel: Because he told her to.

Lilith: He handed me the phone and said "just press send". Now he's going to be all upset that I actually did it?

Jezebel: So I guess now we do know how she feels about her boyfriend complimenting strange women on their slick pants.

Friend: Well do you want to apologize to him?

Lilith: No.

Jezebel: Does he want to apologize to us?

Lilith: (to Jezebel) You're the nice one... you apologize.

Jezebel: I'm the nice one?

The Friend goes back to the Guy and sends him over to us.

Jezebel: I'm very sorry that you thought her pants were slick.

But for the record, those really were some slick pants. (And her rack is quite excellent).


kingofalldrunks said...

i'd like to add a 'dumb things guys say'. or maybe it's a 'thing dumb guys say'. i'm not sure what the difference is, just that i'm sure there must be one. anyway, where the story starts is me just meeting the twin sister of a girl i've just met a couple nights before, in my local neighborhood bar. we get very drunk and end up at my apartment about a half block away. i whip us up some food because a)i'm a hungry fat guy and b)tacos make everyone happy at 2am. a little while later, twin a says to twin b "are you staying the night?" i respond instinctively(?) with "as far as i'm concerned, you can both stay." yep, i'm completely brilliant. luckily, both of them are completely insane and i end up making out with twin a and twin b stayed the night. a year later, after amazing amounts of warning signs, twin b decided to use a razorblade on all 400 of my cd's because i broke up with her. she was nice enough to put them all back in their cases so i wouldn't notice right away. ahhh, life is glorious...

Bianca said...

Hey, this is candycane_girl from Bust. This is by far the most entertaining blog I've read all week!

Harlequin said...

ahahaha i got a good laugh out of this one. it was hilarious.