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January 29, 2007

I heard a crazy rumor that Elton John is gay

We no longer have to worry that listening to Metallica will make our kids worship the devil or that listening to Marilyn Manson will make our kids shoot classmates or that listening to Nirvana will make our kids commit suicide or that listening to the Grateful Dead will make our kids smoke pot or that listening to Wilson Phillips will make our kids get gastric bypass surgery.

Apparently, we have to worry that it will make our kids gay?

This was brought to our attention by king of all drunks via myspace bulletin (while we're on the subject of gay).

Love God's Way is a little bit angry at myspace it seems. Alledgedly (I just like saying "alledgedly" like I'm a big smart lawyer... or Star Jones) myspace took down their new music video because it was offensive. I mean, c'mon... what kind of closed-minded people think "God Hates Fags" could be offensive? The so-called faith-based ministry says their goal is to spread "God's Love through teaching and healing". Well, that is... spread God's love for everyone but fags (and dykes and Jews and Muslims... oh my!)

I feel as though their website has to be a joke, but there aren't any blatant "this is a joke" signs that I can find. Either way it's fucking hysterical. The video... well... words fail me right now.

But I digress. I don't care about their hate for fags (I mean, most ministries hate fags don't they?) or their hate for myspace. I kind of agree with them somewhat on that one... although if you have a myspace account, don't forget to add us! (Shameless. Just shameless). What I have to share with all of the evil sluts is their list of "Bands to Watch Out For" that promote homosexuality. Just a random sampling:

Marilyn Manson is described as "dark gay";
Elton John as "really gay" (so gay he made the list twice!) The Indigo Girls also made the list twice... talk about super gay.

George Michael is noted as simply "texan" (you really have to watch out for those Texan... er, um, British gays?).

Some of their warnings are funnier than others... like the Village People. They're gay!? Shut the fuck up! No way! Next thing you'll be telling me k.d. lang is a lesbian. Oh wait... they are telling me that. Thanks for the tip.

I would love to be a fly on the wall when Eminem finds out that even he promotes homosexuality. Which is really ironic since gay activists are always going on about how offensive his lyrics are to gay people... So when Eminem raps about hating fags, it means he promotes homosexuality. Okay! Got it! No means yes! (Date rapists, let this be a lesson to you).

The "Safe Band" list is full of names I mostly haven't heard of. Although I noticed that Cyndi Lauper- who is a huge gay rights activist (and somewhat of a drag queen) is considered safe.

They ask that if anyone knows of a band that is "Gay or propogating a Gay message", to please email them. We at EvilSlutopia ask that you instead, email us with all the gay bands you can think of. (You know, so we can make a kick-ass mixed CD!)


kingofalldrunks said...

wow, you gals are quick! (and i'm talkin about your blog, this time...)

and somehow this joke came to mind---what has 7 arms and eats a lot of pussy?

melissa etheridge, the indigo girls, and the drummer from def leppard...
sorry, that's all i've got. (and i'm talking about my comment and quoting myself from my last date.)

Meeky P. said...

Wait a minute! Jay-Z and Ghostface Killah promote homosexuality?? I'm confused. The only thing Jay-Z promotes is hating women. But there is this rumor that gay men are bitchy woman-haters, so I guess that applies. So they're saying that Jay-Z is a big ol' queen and is therefore promoting his lifestyle, right? I gave myself a headache on that one. Think I'll stop now...

Anna said...

I think if Ted Nugent knew that someone was claiming he was promoting homosexuality, he'd hunt them down with a bowie knife and lasso. Nugent isn't exactly a tollerant human being, and last I knew, he was blatantly anti-anything-close-to-gay.

Some of the rock bands on this list are just funny- ok, I'll give them Judas Priest, but Metallica? The Doors? Man, these people must be higher than Jim Morrison....