Some parts of this blog may contain adult-oriented material. (It is NOT porn or erotica, but some of the content is inappropriate for children). If you are under your country's legal age to view such material or find it to be "objectionable", please leave this page now. Reader discretion is advised...but if you couldn't infer from the title that this may be an adult-oriented blog, then you shouldn't be on the Internet at all.

Everything on the Evil Slutopia blog is copyrighted by the E.S.C. and ESC Forever Media and may not be used without credit to the authors. But feel free to link to us as much as you want! For other legal information, disclaimers and FAQs visit ESCForeverMedia.com.

March 28, 2007

Really Good Gossip

Dumb Bitch Parade #3

Dumb Bitch:
Oh, I know some good gossip about her.

Jezebel: Really, what is it?

Dumb Bitch: She's gay.

Jezebel: ...and?

Dumb Bitch: That's it. She's gay.

Jezebel: Honey, that's not gossip. She's gay...and having an affair with her married boss. That's gossip. She's gay...but about to be inpregnated with Jon Bon Jovi's sperm. That's gossip. Telling me that she's gay is like telling me that she's not a natural blonde or that she really likes to watch Seinfeld reruns. So not gossip.

March 25, 2007


"I have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is; I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat."
~ Rebecca West

Hopefully none of our readers will take this the wrong way (although in the true spirit of the Evil Slut Clique, we don't actually care what you think of us).

Lately a lot of people have been calling us "feminists". Part of that is our own doing... we have links to "feminist" sites, we discuss "feminist" topics, (and on occasion we have listed our site under "Feminism and Gender" categories).

We don't in any way think that being called a "feminist" is offensive or insulting and we do consider ourselves to have "feminist" viewpoints. However we don't really like to be put into categories at all, even ones that may accurately describe us. While the evil slut clique may include so-called "feminists" and we may raise so-called "feminist" issues, this is not really a "feminist blog". It's just... a blog.

Maybe part of the reason is that it has never been universally agreed upon exactly what makes someone a feminist. There is really no standard definition of what feminism is or what a feminist believes.

Wikipedia defines feminism as:
a collection of social theories, political movements, and moral philosophies largely motivated by or concerned with the liberation of women from subordination to men. In simple terms, feminism, as the logical response to sexism, is a belief in the social, political and economic equality of the sexes, and a movement organized around the conviction that biological sex should not be the pre-determinant factor shaping a person's social identity or socio-political or economic rights.
Dictionary.com defines it as:
1. the doctrine advocating social, political, and all other rights of women equal to those of men.
2. an organized movement for the attainment of such rights for women
3. feminine character

Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006.
There are so many facets to feminism, that you can't pigeonhole someone into the category "feminist" and think that's that. There are so many women's issues; you can't expect all "feminists" to agree on everything... or even care about everything. What's more important to you - reproductive rights, fair wages, health care, body image, or same-sex marriage?

You can't define who you are, based solely by what you do or what you believe.

From the Happy Feminist blog:

Feminism is not a monolith, nor is it a dogma. The only thing you have to believe in order to call yourself a feminist is that ensuring women's freedom and equality of opportunity in all spheres of life is a crucial priority. That's it.

Feminists all work from that basic axiom, but aside from that we are an incredibly diverse group.
...We are diverse in terms of emphasis. Some of us focus on fostering equality in the realm of sex. Some of us are concerned with the equality of opportunity for professional women. Some of us care most about cultural attitudes regarding the proper roles and characteristics of men and women. Some of us criticize organized religion, while others work for reform from inside faiths such as Catholicism or Mormonism or Islam. Some of us stress the issue of violence upon women. Some of us are primarily concerned with reproductive rights. Some of us point to gender apartheid in places like Saudi Arabia, while others criticize inequities in comparably more "liberated" societies in the West...

...We are diverse in terms of the conclusions we draw from our feminism. Feminists often disagree with each other on all sorts of things. For example (and this is a gross simplification, by the way) some feminists believe that pornography is inherently degrading to women whereas others may believe that participation in pornography is potentially empowering. The point is that both camps are looking at the issue in terms of how pornography affects women's freedom and equality. Both camps are feminist even though they reach diametrically opposed conclusions. As another example, I believe strongly in the equality of opportunity for women in business, but I would be very much opposed to the United States imposing a quota like Norway's where companies are legally required to have a 40% female board of directors...

...I suppose people may be inclined to say that my definition of feminism is so broad as to render feminism irrelevant. People often ask, well, doesn't everyone think that women should be free and equal? Sadly, the answer is no.

You can have poor body image and still be a feminist. You can be a sex worker and still be a feminist. You can be pro-life and still be a feminist. You can be a stay-at-home mother and still be a feminist. You can be any race, any income level, any sexual orientation, any marital status, any profession.

A lot of the things we do and say might not be considered "feminist" by many women. However, they still are. Why? Because to us, being a "feminist" can be as simple as doing something because it's what you want to do (not because society says you should -- or shouldn't).

Even though we're hesitant to label ourselves anything, let alone "feminists"... nothing pisses me off more than "I'm not a feminist, but..." What the fuck does that mean? "I'm not a feminist, but..." implies a) that a feminist is a bad thing to be, and b) that whatever you end that statement with, doesn't in and of itself make you some sort of feminist. Almost every woman is a "feminist" in some small way. I don't like being labeled, but that's not because I'm ashamed of being called a feminist. It's just because that's not all I am. It's not what I'm about.

Here is an excerpt on "Redefining Feminism" from BeingJane.com:

There is nothing wrong with feminism today. However, we acknowledge that “feminism” is a historically and emotionally laden word. Too many people hear the word “feminism” and believe it represents women who harbor resentment against men. Others take a more tongue-in-cheek approach and immediately think of the bra-burning parties of the 1960s. Some women of younger generations have no recollection of feminism whatsoever and don’t identify with it.

We believe feminism should be a word and a movement ripe with optimism and relevancy. In fact, Being Jane is trying to foster a renewed zeal for feminism. We are creating a network of women helping women to realize the opportunity for all women to be whomever and whatever they want to be: From CEO to homemaker, from motorcyclist to philanthropist, from fighter pilot to missionary.

So yeah, we're feminists... and we care about feminist stuff... and we write about feminist stuff... on our feminist blog. But we're more than just feminists, we care about more than just feminist stuff, and we write about more than just feminist stuff on our... blog.

"A feminist is anyone who recognizes the equality and full humanity of women and men."
~ Gloria Steinem

March 20, 2007

Back Up Your Birth Control Day

Today is the sixth annual Back Up Your Birth Control Day of Action!

Back Up Your Birth Control? What does that mean?

The Back Up Your Birth Control Campaign is designed to raise awareness about emergency contraception (also called "EC" or "the morning-after-pill"), a safe and effective method of back up birth control.

So what exactly is EC anyway?

EC pills contain higher dosages of the same hormones that are found in regular birth control pills. They are meant to be taken within 72 hours (but could have some effectiveness even up to 120 hours) after unprotected sex or failure of birth control, and can reduce the risk of pregnancy by about 90%. The brand of EC available in the U.S. is called Plan B. It is also possible to use some brands of regular birth control pills in specific doses to produce the same effect as Plan B.

Is this the same thing as the abortion pill?

EC is not the same as Mifeprex or RU-486, a drug that terminates early pregnancies. EC is designed to prevent ovulation, fertilization, or implantation of a fertilized egg. It does not terminate a pregnancy. If you are already pregnant, EC will not work.

And this really works? Safely?

Research has shown that EC is both safe and effective, and generally produces only mild side effects such as headache and nausea. A full report on EC, including information about its safety and effectiveness, can be found here. Most health care professionals seem to be in agreement that EC is safe, and that EC poses fewer risks for both teens and adult women than unintended pregnancy. (And by preventing thousands of unplanned pregnancies each year, EC can help reduce risks to women's health, cut health care costs, and also reduce the need for abortion services.)

Don't I need a prescription for this?

In August of 2006 the FDA (finally!) approved over-the-counter sales of EC. But there's one catch--OTC sales were approved for adult women only. Girls under 18 still must get a prescription.

Why don't I hear more about EC? This information really needs to be out there!

Because then everyone would be as evil and slutty as we are, and we wouldn't have an excuse to run this blog.

Seriously, information about EC should be more widely available and accessible. That's why campaigns like Back Up Your Birth Control are so important, and deserve your support. Spread the word!

So how do I get EC if I need it?

That depends on how old you are and where you are.

  • Women who are 18 and older can purchase EC over-the-counter at the pharmacy. You'll need to present a valid government ID.
  • Women under the age of 18 need a prescription for EC from their doctor or other health care provider. Many doctors require an office visit before they will give you a prescription, but some will handle it for you over the phone.
  • Women of all ages in the following states can purchase EC over-the-counter at some pharmacies: AK, CA, HI, MA, ME, NH, NM, VT and WA. (This is because of cooperative agreements between some doctors and some pharmacists in these states.)
  • To find a provider near you, visit www.not-2-late.com or call 1-888-NOT-2-LATE (1-866-EN-TRES-DIAS for Spanish)
For more information, visit www.ineedec.info and www.backupyourbirthcontrol.org. And make sure that all of the women in your life have the information that they need about all of their birth control options.

March 17, 2007

Happy Drunken Irish Day!

We'd like to wish everyone a very happy St. Patrick's Day!

In addition to the St. Patrick's Day Parade, most of the Irish and wannabe-Irish in the U.S. celebrate St. Patty's in this way:
1. Drink
2. Vomit
3. Repeat
All in lovely shades of green. So we'd like to offer some other things to do, while you get shit-faced:

  • Buy a t-shirt from Cafepress and show your St. Patty's, er, pride:

  • Watch a movie marathon featuring some of our favorite Irishmen:

  • Rock out to some of our favorite Irish musicians:

(Yes, we realize we offer "have safe sex!" as a suggestion for every holiday. But, hey, safe sex never goes out of style!)

Happy St. Patrick's Day everyone... Be safe!

March 16, 2007

Now YOU Can Get Chlamydia Too!

...on Cafepress, that is.

Just letting everyone know that we added a TON of new "100% More Chlamydia Free" items to Cafepress. (Since everyone should celebrate and advertise that they're STD-free!)

Anyway, the "100% More Chlamydia Free" items now have their own store:

We're also in the process of adding items to a "Got Chlamydia?" store:

We will be adding more items to the general Evilslutopia store soon and more specified stores are on the way!

Since we loooove to please our evil slutty friends, let us know what you want and we'll see what we can do! Comment here or email us!

Stay evil, stay slutty, stay Chlamydia-free,

~The E.S.C.

Are those cookies made from real Girl Scouts?

March 12th-19th is Girl Scout Week, as the Girl Scouts of America celebrate their 95th year. (In honor of such a momentous occasion, I overindulged in Girl Scout cookies! I can totally rock out with the Tagalongs and Thin Mints).

According to the Girl Scouts of America website, they were founded in 1912 in order to help girls:
...experience the beauty and the challenges of the outdoors so they might develop self-reliance and resourcefulness. She encouraged girls to prepare not only for traditional homemaking, but also for future roles as professional women in the arts, sciences, and business, and for active citizenship.

Girl Scount alumnae represent 70% of women serving in Congress; 64% of women listed in "Who's Who in America"; 53% of women business owners. Alumnae include Sandra Day O'Connor (the first female Supreme Court Justice), Madeline Albright (the first female Secretary of State), Eileen Collins (the first female space shuttle commander), Dr. Drew Gilpin Faust (the first female president of Harvard) and Katie Couric* (the first female anchor of a network evening newscast).

*We're not quite sure if they should be bragging about that Katie Couric thing or not.

Today, Girl Scouts of the USA has 3.6 million girl and adult members and is the "preeminent organization for and leading authority on girls".

Some of you might remember a few years back when the Girl Scouts came under scrutiny for allegedly being lesbians, pro-choice, and -- gasp -- feminists!


Unlike the Boy Scouts, the Girls Scouts have no official stance on sexual orientation or preference, although they don't permit "sexual displays" or the advocacy/promotion of any particular "lifestyle". (I suppose to the right-wing conservatives their refusal to be "anti-gay" is the same as being "pro-gay").

Connie Matsui (Girl Scout President, 2000) was criticized for promoting (with "enthusiasm") an award-winning film produced by Women's Educational Media called That's A Family! In it, children discusses different kinds of families (for example, parents of different races or religions, divorced parents, a single parent, gay or lesbian parents, adoptive parents or grandparents as guardians) .

And haven't you ever noticed how well those delicious Girl Scout cookies go with soy milk?

For more information on how gay those scouts really are, read On My Honor: Lesbians Reflect on Their Scouting Experience (which estimates that 1 in 3 adult Girl Scout professionals are lesbian).

Godless Heathens?

The Girl Scout Promise includes the phrase "to serve God", however in 1993 they voted to permit the substitution of another word or phrase for "God" (to accomodate those who did not believe in a monotheistic deity or who did not feel that the word "God" appropriately reflected their faith). The Girls Scouts neither require nor prohibit prayer at their meetings - leaving it to the individual troop leaders to decide for themselves based on the spiritual beliefs of all participants.

They do admit that the "motivating force" in Girl Scouting is a spiritual one, however they let the scouts (and their families) decide what that means to them. Sounds pretty fucking evil to me.

Advocates of Baby-Killing?

Although the Girl Scouts are not nationally aligned with Planned Parenthood, some councils have been associated with reproductive-health organization. In 2004 there was a huge controversy in Waco, Texas - resulting in a cookie boycott - when the Bluebonnet Council endorsed a PP education event (at which abortion was never mentioned and no funds were donated). The Bluebonnet Countil also bestowed a "Woman of the Year" award on Planned Parenthood chief executive Pam Smallwood.

The Christian conservatives in Waco were also horrified by the distribution of the book,
It's Perfectly Normal, which they compared both to pornography and propaganda. The Girl Scouts official statement was that they have no position on abortion and only offer sex information (without advocating any particular point of view). Of course, that means they're admitting that sex isn't as dirty and sinful as your parents might have told you it is!

Anti-Family Feminists?

"Radical feminist" Betty Friedam sat on the national board of the Girl Scouts of America for many years in the 70s, therefore... the Scouts must be feminist anti-family man-haters! Oh but that's not all... the girls are encouraged to be self-reliant, resourceful, and -- oh the horror -- have a sense of self esteem.

Instead of just earning badges in "homemaking" skills like embroidery and sewing, the Girl Scouts are also encouraged to be try "career-oriented" things and even be -- oh my -- "tomboyish" if they want to.

Man, there is nothing more dangerous than letting little girls feel empowered. Next thing you know they'll be telling the girls that it's okay to think for themselves. I don't know what the fuck we're gonna do then!

I think we should all buy as many Girl Scout cookies as possible, to support these feminist, lesbian training-camps!

March 15, 2007

Beware the Ides of March

That's it. Beware the Ides of March.

God, do we have to write something witty ALL the time?

March 14, 2007

Dear Homophobic Magazine

Now it's no secret that the Evil Slut Clique is no huge fan of Cosmopolitan. First they tried to tell us when to sleep with a guy for the first time. Now they're being homophobic?

From the March 2007 issue:

Scary Sex Warning

Some "straight" men aren't and that may put you at risk.

About 1 in 10 men who described themselves as heterosexual said they'd had a sexual encounter with another guy at least once in the previous year -- even though they didn't identify with being homosexual, reports a study that was published in the Annals of Internal Medicine. The study also found that these men were less likely to use condoms than were men who considered themselves homosexual.

So how does this affect you? Since many sexually transmitted diseases are on the rise in the gay community, according to the Centers for Disease Control, it's crucial that you use a rubber every time you get busy with a new guy, regardless of whether he claims he's hetero or not.

---From "COSMO GYNO" section by Esther Crain

Pretty fucked up, no? So I decided to write them a little letter:

Dear Cosmo,

I found so many things wrong (and offensive) about your "Scary Sex Warning" [March 2007, COSMO GYNO].

One's sexual orientation is based on one's dominant sexual/romantic behavior pattern, attraction, or preference. Having had a sexual encounter with a member of your own gender, does not necessarily mean that you are homosexual or identify as homosexual.

Your reference to the sexually transmitted diseases that are on the rise in the "gay community", implies that the "straight community" is not at risk for STDs as well. The last time I checked, anyone having sex is at risk for STDs.

While your advice to "use a rubber every time you get busy with a new guy" is excellent advice, your reasoning is heavily flawed. One should always use a condom with a new sexual partner - not because he might be lying about how "hetero" he is - but because he might be lying period, and because it's the safe thing to do regardless. It doesn't matter if he's having sex with men, women, or farm animals: you're still at risk if you're unprotected.

Your article perpetuates the outdated, homophobic myth that "gay sex = disease", when the real message you need to be sending is that "unprotected sex = disease".

On a side note, I found it really funny that the study was published in the Annals of Internal Medicine. While reading it aloud to a friend I accidentally called it the "Anals of Internal Medicine", which was a Freudian slip that perfectly suited the subject matter. Yes, it's true. I have the maturity level of a 12-year-old boy!

March 13, 2007

Why We Suck

We just wanted to mention why we've been sucking lately. I'm sure you all noticed that March has gotten off to a slow start here at Evil Slutopia (with the exception of a quick rant about Barbie's shit-eating-dog) and even our International Women's Day post was a cop-out.

So just to assure you that we haven't forgotten about all of our honorary evil sluts... we thought we'd quickly give you a partial list of what we've been doing that has made the blog suck ass so badly.

One or more members of the Evil Slut Clique have been busy doing one or more of the following:

  • working (that is, working at the jobs that actually pay us money for what we do)
  • parenting (molding the evil sluts of tomorrow)
  • celebrating and/or planning assorted special events
  • compiling information for 10 More Things You Might Not Know About Gardasil
  • attempting a social life and/or love life (they don't call us evil sluts for nothing)
  • traveling to non-exotic locations for non-exciting reasons
  • stalking exes and/or crushes on myspace
  • writing angry letters to Cosmo magazine
    getting tested for STDs (still 100% more Chlamydia free!)
  • making small strides towards ESC World Domination
  • preparing for St. Patrick's Day, the Vernal Equinox, Passover, Easter, and of course Women's History Month
  • getting fucked over by Daylight Savings coming early this year (although we are quite enjoying the sun)
It has also been brought to our attention that the second week of March was Procrastination Week, but we'll just put that off until later.

We promise we'll be back and at it really soon! Stay evil, stay slutty!

March 8, 2007

International Women's Day

International Women's Day is the global day connecting all women around the world and inspiring them to achieve their full potential. IWD celebrates the collective power of women past, present and future.


Search the site for IWD events in your neighborhood!

March 5, 2007

Prove it!

The scene: a really crappy club, where Lilith and Jezebel are waiting for their friend and being hit on by annoying/unattractive guys.

Jezebel: This is my girlfriend.

Lilith: We're lesbians.

Guy: Oh yeah? Prove it.

Lilith & Jezebel: (make out with each other)

Guy: Okay. Do that again, but longer this time.

Moral: Two girls making out does not scare a guy away. In fact, it does the exact opposite of that.

March 1, 2007

Barbie Makes Her Dog Eat Shit

I recently saw a commercial for a new Barbie with Tanner the Dog. Apparently you feed the dog a biscuit and then --whoopie!-- he takes a shit. It even comes with Barbie's very own pooper scooper and trash can. Does anyone else think this is just a tad bit bizarre? Do little kids really want to pretend to clean up dog shit?

What's even more disturbing is that the dog biscuits and the dog shit are identical (the same brown plastic piece is used as the biscuit and the turd). Yes... Barbie basically feeds her dog its own feces. YUM!

I checked the "Product Description" on amazon.com and it's hysterical:

Tanner... eats and ejects waste from her body. At this point, Barbie can pick it up with her scooper, and then Tanner will eat it again-- just like your real dog!

As are the reviews people have written in. Some of my favorite one-liners:

...it's not like it's real poo...

...we do a "poop count" throughout the day, as the pieces are as small as Tic-Tacs and easily lost...

...they don't even let poop to be shown on TV and yet they let it come with a doll...

Probably a great gag gift for a very conscientious dog walker.

I read the reviews from here, and thought, wow. Pooping dog???!!!! SO CUTE.

Does this toy teach young girls moral lessons about the responsibilities of pet ownership and the importance of cleaning up their mess? Or, is the feces-eating devil dog teaching impressionable young kids that its ok to consume their own excrement? Who knows, and who cares.

I thought, "Those dog treats have an odd sort of shape to them..."

I have to supervise my dog constantly when he's outside to prevent him from eating his own poo. Now Mattel has made it into a toy.

...they're almost certain to disappear into carpets or into real poops when kids eat them themselves.

I did have to explain to my daughter that we do NOT eat poop and its 'pretend'...

...my daughter came to me and asked me to detach the pooper-scooper from Barbie and reattach it to one of her older Ken dolls. Worried that she was not learning the intended lesson of pet care (and with sympathetic thoughts for her future husband) I asked her why she wanted me to make the change. She told me that Barbie was not going to scoop Tanner's poop anymore because she was hiring a Pet Butler man to clean up the poop...

This toy should be called Barbie in The Dante's Hell of The Scatological Dog...

Those are all actual quotes from amazon. I love it.