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April 2, 2007

There's food on the menu!

Here's a little something new... a review of sorts. We rarely talk about stuff like this unless it was really good or really bad. Not too long ago we went to this bar for dinner and drinks. It was really bad.

Our waitress looked like a cross between:

She was about as smart as:

While looking at the menu, she informed us (pointing to the page we were already reading) "there's food on the menu". Thank you, we can read. And what a surprise to find food on the menu! It's not as though I was having trouble deciding between a mojito or a margarita... when I had already ordered a beer.

She was the type of waitress that asks you "is everything okay?" the second your food gets on the table - before you have a chance to even know if it's not okay - and then disappears for three hours when you actually need her. It took ages for her to bring us drinks every time we ordered another round (despite the fact that we ordered the same thing each time and all that was required of the bartender was to remove the top. He didn't even have to pour it in a glass!) At one point, she actually asked if we were ready for another round. We said, "we'll be ready in a few minutes". It took at least 30 minutes to get her over there again. No joke.

At least she was kind of nice though (even though she was completely incompetent). The hostess on the other hand was not.

Her personality was a mix between:

(Wow... they look a lot alike in those pics, don't they?
Totally unintentional).

When we first arrived it took forever for us to get someone to seat us. We asked the bartender who directed us to a waitress, who directed us to the hostess, who... continued to ignore us for a good ten minutes. And then seated the group that came in after us. (At a better table than ours, by the way).

Despite having reserved a table for 6-8, she gave us a table for 2-4. (She claimed you could fit more people there, but not if those people actually had plates... or bodies). When I complained about the size and placement of the table (we were right smack in the middle of the bar in front of the door - she actually moved it there on purpose) she responded by rolling her eyes. When I asked about moving to the empty table by the window (the actual table I had called about reserving) she said "oh well, that table is reserved". Yeah, by me you fucking bitch.

(Alleged "table for 4-6")

(Note the poor location: right in front of the door and the bar)

Of course as we sat at our shitty table... we watched the nice, big, roomy, comfortable, secluded "reserved" window table sit empty for hours until finally some people migrated from the bar with their cocktails to sit there. We were seriously pissed.

(the table we should have had... the "reserved" table that sat empty)

We had other friends meeting us later (hence the need for a larger table), so we had two extra chairs that weren't being used by us as we ate. We took great pleasure in forbidding the hostess (and repeated waitresses/guests) from taking them. When another dumb-but-friendly waitress asked, we said "no, sorry we're waiting for more people". When the hostess asked I gave her the stare of death, and simply said "No". Of course, little did they know that our plan was to leave shortly after our friends arrived. I refused to let them take away even more seats from our teeny table, despite the fact that we wouldn't actually be using them for long. There was no way I was jacking up that bill anymore and paying anymore money to that shithole of a place.

(Did I forget to mention that they tried to force us to use coatcheck... "We can't just have coats lying all over". Well then give us seats big enough to actually sit in and then I'll have room to sit on my coat instead of drape it on the chair behind me).

When the rest of our party arrived they squished around the teeny tiny table and ordered one drink (total, not each) while we finished ours and our food. Then we got the check and left a lousy tip. (Of course, since we're such stellar tippers, our "lousy" tip was still probably better than the average person's tip).

As for the food (since I suppose this wouldn't be a proper review if we didn't at least mention it): okay fries, decent calamari, forgettable dumplings, don't waste your time on the chicken skewers or pizza margherita (which arrived practically cold and not looking nearly as appealing as the photo on the website - below), overpriced drinks.

Conclusion: Skip it. The food wasn't terrible... but it wasn't nearly worth the trouble/attitude.


Denise said...

I'm surprised you left anything at all. at least an insulting amount. I believe in tipping well, i've waited tables, but that sucks ass.


This comic from Cyanide & Happiness reminded me of that place, lol.