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July 3, 2007

The Insta-Girlfriend

In honor of Independence Day (U.S.) tomorrow, I thought I'd write a little something about being independent. Or rather, write a little something about not being independent. This is something that bothers me... okay maybe "bothers" isn't the right word for. Maybe "concerns" me is better, but whatever, I think it's dumb and dangerous...

...people who jump from one relationship to another to another with little-to-no "down time" in between.

I guess you can call it "serial monogomy" although quite a few of the people I know who do it, leave out that monogomy part. One of my exes does this and to me it's just plain nuts. It's as if he can't stand to be alone. When we were together (about 100 years ago) I didn't have proof but I was so sure that he was cheating on me with a female "friend". I still to this day don't have proof but almost immediately after I kicked him to the curb I heard through the grapevine that he was "dating" the woman I had always suspected he was cheating on me with. Gee, shocker. Even if he wasn't sleeping with her while we were together, there had to be something there for them to be a couple immediately after we broke up.

About 50 years later, he was in a relationship with another woman who was plastered all over his myspace. (Yeah I occasionally checked my ex's myspace, who doesn't?) On a Monday, I looked and the profile read "In a Relationship". On Wednesday, it said "Single" but the ex's pics were still all over the place. By Friday, it still said single but the ex's pics were replaced by another woman whom I didn't recognize. She had also taken the ex's spot in his top 8. By Sunday, it said "In a relationship" again. Now that is just plain CRAZY to me. (Not that he's crazy, just that the behavior is so outside my own realm of comprehension).

Is it messed up that he was probably cheating on his girlfriend with this new woman? Yeah, a little, but that's not what I'm talking about (and I also have no evidence of this, so I won't speculate... although if I was the most recent ex, I'd be suspicious). What I find messed up is that he didn't even take more than a day or two to be "single" before jumping into something with this new girl. Now they can both deny any romantic entanglements before the breakup and you know what, it's very possible that he never cheated with this woman. But it took less than a week for her to claim the spot of "Girlfriend" so either way it's a tad bit bizarre.

Some people might refer to this as "rebounding", but I don't know if you can really call it that if it's 18 times in a row. What do you call the rebound of your rebound of your rebound? I call this phenomenon the "Insta-Girlfriend".

Now, I'm not perfect and I won't pretend that I haven't made some bad relationship moves that were dumb and/or dangerous and maybe even a little crazy. (Okay, maybe a lot crazy). Even though I've done some dumb shit myself, I'm just not a fan of the Insta-Girlfriend (or Boyfriend in my case) idea because I think one of the most important things I learned after my biggest, worst, craziest breakup was to be... independent. By "independent", I don't mean alone... I just mean that I don't need a man (and we're not just talking physically, because physically I do need a man, heh).

Yeah okay, maybe I might want a man but I don't need a boyfriend to make my life feel meaningful. I'm not just okay with it, but I actually quite enjoy being single most of the time. (Again, that's single, but not solitary). I'm not judging anyone who is lucky enough to find love again and again and again in a row. I just have to question how healthy it is to never have any you-time.

Has anyone else ever witnessed (or experienced) this? I'm curious.


Meeky P. said...

My insta-girlfriend experience has been slightly different. The guys will swear that they don't want a relationship, aren't ready for commitment, blah, blah, blah. Then they'll dump me for another girl who immediately becomes their girlfriend. I mean, not even 24 hours later! Which leads me to 2 conclusions: 1) these girls have been there the entire time or 2) I am such a horrible person to be involved with that they run to the arms of the next available female to comfort them.

Anonymous said...

I know a couple of people who have done this...or possibly still do...in my time.
i find it really sad... not sad that they meet people that they "really like" frequently enough to require a turnstile at their front door...to each his/her own...but that they loose out on a really important part of being who you are...and that is... taking the time to figure that out.
If you are constantly molding yourself to fit into what you..AND someone else wants... when do you ever get to just look in the mirror and see the real YOU?
maybe you dont want too?...

i agree..i don't get it either. Constantly jumping from one person to the next ... is a deeper issue than just liking people around you.

Being independent of others is an awesome feeling...and being "single" has allowed me to really learn and relish in the fact that i really think i am the "shit" to be around.
wanting and needing are different... i like to want..but i love that i dont NEED.

kudos on this blog.

Shar said...

i wrote hella shit
and it was good too
but this didnt work...i dont think?
sucks ass....

so i will sum it up

i totally agree with you.