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July 20, 2007

Staying Accident-Free Everywhere

S: Don't worry! I am as safe as pie.

Lilith: Pie isn't safe at all. It's high in sugar, high in calories, high in carbohydrates. DANGER!

S: Um... safe as a safe?

Lilith: Safes are very dangerous... Haven't you ever watched Looney Toons? They're almost as dangerous as anvils!

S: Safe as a condom?

Lilith: Um, you know I'm a single mother right?

S: Yeah.

Lilith: So then tell me again how safe a condom is.

S: Okay... safe as abstinence!

Lilith: Abstinence. Now that's safe in theory, but it doesn't really work out so well in practice.

S: Buckle up for safety?

Lilith: Nah, I'm not really into S&M.

S: There's safety in numbers?

Lilith: Or threesomes.