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September 18, 2007

Can you get a degree in Exotic Dance?

My mom asked me to write this blog tonight. Of course, my mom doesn't truly know what a "blog" is. She also doesn't know that I actually have a blog at all, let alone the name or web address of Evil Slutopia. Why? She's convinced that anything I say on the Internet will come back to haunt me and someday be used against me. God forbid I write about sluts online, it might totally ruin my shot at a political career. So for the time being I'm remaining anonymous and the blog is a secret to my mom (unless of course, she's accidentally reading this right now and is finally putting two and two together... in which case, Hi Mom! Sorry!)

Anyway, even though she doesn't know that Evil Slutopia exists, oddly enough she did say I should write a blog (even though I still say she doesn't get what a blog is) so I will do what she asked... which is write a blog about strippers.

Now you're probably wondering why on Earth my mom would want me to write a blog about strippers. It is all because of Rock of Love. (Yes, I watch Rock of Love with my mom, is that weird?) The final two "contestants" were narrowed down last night to Jes and Heather and my mom thinks that Heather is always given too hard a time about being a stripper. And you know what, for once my mom and I agree. What the fuck is the big deal?

Everyone keeps talking shit about her for being a stripper. The issue isn't just that she's a stripper, but the fact that's she's still a stripper. Apparently it's only okay to be a stripper for a certain period of time, but not too long. I guess it's fine if you're just trying it out, but anyone who chooses exotic dancing as their career... whole other story. Yeah, I don't get it. Why is it okay to strip in order to pay your way through college, but it's not acceptable to pay off your student loans after you've graduated? I just don't know.

Also, I think once you've agreed to go on a Celebreality dating show, you forfeit any right to make judgments about other people's choices.

If she enjoys stripping and makes good money and is still hot enough to pull it off... what's the problem!? Hell, if I looked as good as Heather does at her age, I'd do it too. No, correction... if I ever looked as good as she does at any age I'd do it. Seriously, the main reason I'm not a stripper right now is that I'm out of shape and too self-conscious about my body. (Not that I'm extremely self-conscious about my body, but just a little too self-conscious to consider a career move that requires nudity). It has nothing to do with "morality" or feeling objectified or anything. None at all. (In fact, I don't want to admit how close I'd be to becoming a hooker if things were different, but that's a subject for a whole other blog entry). I would totally be a stripper if anyone was actually willing to pay me to take my clothes off. Well, okay, I'm sure someone might consider paying me to get naked, but it wouldn't be anyone with good taste.

So let's give Heather a break. All the Rock of Love girls lately keep questioning if she'd actually quit dancing for Bret. Dude, she got his name tattooed on her neck for chrissake! Talk about commitment to a man who isn't even technically dating her! You really don't believe she'd stop stripping for him too? Not that I think she should have to stop stripping, but apparently Bret Michaels has issues with long term dating a stripper. Shocking. If Bret was so opposed to strippers then why is there a stripper pole in the Rock of Love house in the first place?

Coincidentally, tonight's episode of the Pick-Up Artist also focused on the same subject. The guys went to a strip club and tried to pick up exotic dancers. Yeah, I don't know how that's even remotely possible seeing as they can barely pick up regular drunk women, but okay, it's reality TV, I'll bite. (Way to go Brady by the way for actually getting the stripper to make out with him in the limo - without paying her!)

I'm not gay, but I'm fascinated with hot naked women, so of course I'm fascinated with people whose job descriptions are basically just to be "hot naked women". I haven't been to a strip club in a long time, partly because I'm broke and partly because I feel a little fat and flabby when I go there. But mainly, I haven't been because I hadn't had a guy to go with. I love looking at naked chicks (or the hot ones at least) so what could be sexier than a hot naked chick giving a lap dance to the man I'm going home with? Even if being surrounded by sexy naked women makes me feel a little insecure about my body, I'm secure enough to know that I'm the one he's going to be fucking later. (Unless of course, there's the possibility of a threesome, but that's also a subject for another blog entry).

Okay, I've gotten a bit off track again, so I'm just going to end it here... with a lovely photo montage in celebration of Heather the stripper.

All photos were blatantly stolen from the Celebreality blog. Thanks.


Tracy said...

I am disappointed in the last episode of the Pick-up Artist for a number of reasons. First, Kosmo is an actor with a agent and has been in movies; this makes me miss that asswipe Praydontspeak, secondly turning a chubby, WoW playing, basement dweller into a "pick-up artist" would have been the ultimate accomplishment. Finally, I think that Joe had the best personality out of the bunch.

Shar said...

my chubby ass took a pole dancing class. we just learned the very very basics... like..how to look "semi" hot twirling around a pole.
I pulled an ass muscle and was sore for a week.
More power to the strippers that do all that crazy shit... it takes some pretty good strength and core fitness to do it.
not like the crack whores that just unrobe while shaking around...but the real ones that put on a "show"--not easy...and to look sexy and unphased by the amount of work they are actually doing.

Anonymous said...

I hope Heather wins the show. Jes is too young for Bret Michaels. Well, they both are, but Jes especially is.

Anonymous said...