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October 12, 2007

If you can't find it there, you can't find it anywhere...

Random awesome stuff I found on Craigslist this week:


Sperm:
I am looking for a woman who wants to get pregnant, and does NOT want to go to a sperm bank (i hear that they are VERY expensive)

I am a drug/disease free man, the father of one son who is VERY healthy and does very well in school.

You can be any age/race/religious denomination, and my level of involvement is entirely up to you


Computer Repair, in exchange for sexual favors:
I was just helping out a lady friend with computer problems and we started thinking that that theres probably a lot of people out there that need computer help without much money but would want to trade instead...

I have about 20 years experience fixing computers (started young) and I work freelance at a couple of firms in the city. I do it all:

hardware repair
virus & spyware removal
software installation
wireless setup
printer install
computer migration
new computer setup
consultation

Free animals (as long as I promise not to feed them to any other animals):
I have a free hamster in a 10 gallon tank with accessories. This is not for snake or rodent food. Looking for a good home!!

I have a friend who is giving away 2 guinee pigs with cage (they are 3 years old and healthy)...she also has 3 cats for adoption. Again not to be used for food for snakes or any other animal consumption.

Free candy, from strangers:
Bought a bunch of candy for Halloween in bulk, and while I thought I was ordering 12 boxed of lollipops I actually ordered 12 crates, which each have 12 boxes in them.

Long story short I have 144 casses of 24 oz. Whilry pops Taking up half of my apartment. It's really cluttering up all the video games, soda, sports equipment, and other fun stuff I have.

I could bring them to you any weekeday between 9AM and 2PM (I work nights) or you could come by and pick them up any night(I work from home).

You can take just 1 or as many as 11 cases!

Used panties and pantyhose:
Hello there~ I am a sweet little schoolgirl with lots of lacy used, freshly worn panties for you. $100 for two pairs, including polaroids of me wearing them. i am not a flake or a fake. very discrete.

A Hair-brushing buddy:
Looking for a nice woman to brush my hair and enjoy doing so.
I won't lie, it's very pleasurable to have my head brushed by a woman. Or group of women. And in some cases arousing. But, there's no fun in it doing it myself.

So, an open invitation to women of any race age color creed etc.
Come , please brush my hair.

If you enjoy it thoroughly, I'll even give you permission to tug and twirl. You can even whip out your own heater, or use my flat iron. Oh, the possibilities are endless!

I can host , you can host, at anytime.

I request politely that you be somewhat sane and please be clean. Don't want the area to be smelling like someone decided to drink too much milk.


Free bathroom cleaning (all I need to do is let them take a bath!):
I take a shower every day however, alas, no bathtub. My fantasy is to take a long, hot bath with my lotions and potions in your beautiful bathtub. In exchange, I will clean your ENTIRE bathroom!

Where else would I post an unusual request like this? It seems to me this is the best place to pursue my intrepid barter exchange.

There must be someone out there who has a beautiful bathtub... like an antique claw-foot, or a sleek marble sanctuary... and is understanding enough to realize I am utterly serious in my proposal. What you take for granted as a part of your daily routine is my enduring fantasy.

"Donations", just for being "pretty" and "carefree":
hi. interesting in providing generous donations to pretty carefree ladies. please forward your pics if interested. donations will be consistent and often. thanks...
Or... for putting my feet on someone's face:
just sit back and relax and rest or rub your bare feet on my face. i will lie still, unless you order me to kiss your feet, lick your feet, massage your feet or suck your toes. i will do whatever you tell me to do. i will pay you for your time and the honor of being at your feet. couples welcome, smelly and sweaty feet are no problem. very innocent, nothing in return.


These are all from real ads. I've decided - rather diplomatically, if I don't say so myself - not to provide the original links because most of the people seem well-intentioned and I don't want people to harass them just because I felt the need to mock them publicly. Now I have to go and post my own about... I'm not telling you!

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