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November 18, 2007

Ass Etiquette?

No, this entry has nothing to do with the proper way to request anal sex. We'll cover that issue another time. This is about another kind of ass etiquette.

The story: A few friends were sitting at a bar having many drinks on a bench by the jukebox. A skinny young hipster guy came over and started chatting with a flat breasted hipster girl and as he leaned on the jukebox he put his ass in my friend's face. Her husband was less than happy because he felt it was intentional and rude.

Husband: It's rude. He had his ass in your face.

Wife: But he had no ass.

Husband: I don't care. It's still rude.

Wife: But... he had no ass.

So I guess this begs the question: If a guy with no ass puts his ass in your face... does it make a sound? Um. No. Wait, that's not right. But really, is there ever a casual way to politely ask someone in a bar to remove their ass from your face? Even if he has no ass?

Has "Miss Manners" ever covered this dilemma?

We'd love to hear your opinions/advice... you know, for the next time one of us gets an ass-to-the-face. Or a non-ass-to-the-face.

No asses were harmed during the making of this blog entry.


May said...

I suggest a dramatic chair-movement to shove the person a few inches away accompanied by a "OMG I TOTALLY DIDN'T SEE YOU THERE!"

Then turn around and leave your chair poking in their butt. They'll move. ;)

I'm big for faking politeness for people who are oblivious.

J.L. Scott said...

Next time, take the tip of a beer bottle and insert it ever so gently in the general bum-hole region. Even through pants, most boys (even the ones who like it) will be startled and quickly move. Guaranteed he will look before he leans next time, no matter how much it detracts from his hipness.

It goes without saying that you should be done drinking from the bottle first, you dirty little monkeys.