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November 27, 2007

Why We Have Sex

So according to Men's Health, some researchers at the University of Texas asked a bunch of men and women why they had sex and came up with 237 reasons.

First of all, isn't there anything more important they could be researching? Like a cure for cancer perhaps. No, let's spend our time and resources on figuring out why people fuck. Secondly, don't we all already know most of the reasons people fuck? And finally... there is no way there are 237 separate reasons to have sex. Unless those 237 reasons consisted of just listing 237 different dudes' names.

Upon further investigation... we found that most of their answers are extremely repetitive. So we've narrowed them down to a few main categories and decided that there were actually maybe 37 reasons "discovered" by these "geniuses".

1. Physical Attraction
The person's physical appearance turned me on.
The person had a desirable body.
The person had an attractive face.
The person was too "hot" (sexy) to resist.
The person was too physically attractive to resist.
I saw the person naked and could not resist.
The person had beautiful eyes.
I was attracted to the person.
The person wore revealing clothes.

2. Other Forms of "Attraction"
The person smelled nice.
The person was intelligent.
The person was a good dancer.
The person seemed self-confident.
The person had a great sense of humor.
The person was mysterious.
I knew the person was usually "out of my league."
The person was really desired by others.
Someone had told me that this person was good in bed.

3. Physical Pleasure/Enjoyment
I wanted the pure pleasure.
I wanted to achieve an orgasm.
It feels good.
I wanted to experience the physical pleasure.
It's fun.

4. Arousal/Seduction
I was sexually aroused and wanted the release.
I was turned on by the sexual conversation.
The person was a good kisser.
An erotic movie had me turned on.
The person caressed me.
The person made me feel sexy.
The person flattered me.
The person really desired me.
I was seduced.

5. Horniness
I was "horny."
I had not had sex in a long time.
I hadn't had sex for a while.
I wanted to relieve "blue balls."
I was frustrated and needed relief.
My hormones were out of control.

6. Sex Addiction
I am a sex addict.
I'm addicted to sex.
I wanted to satisfy a compulsion.
It became a habit.
I had no self-control

7. Adventure/Excitement
I wanted the adventure/excitement.
It's exciting, adventurous.
I wanted to lose my inhibitions.
I wanted to act out a fantasy.
My regular partner is boring, so I had sex with someone else.

8. Rebellion
I wanted to defy my parents.
It's considered "taboo" by society.
I felt rebellious.

9. Curiosity
I was curious about what the person was like in bed.
I was curious about my sexual abilities.
I wanted to see what it would be like to have sex with another person.
I was curious about sex.
I wanted to see whether sex with a different partner would feel different or better.
I wanted to see what all the fuss is about.
I wanted to see what it would be like to have sex while stoned (e.g. on marijuana or some other drug).
I wanted to test my compatibility with a new partner.
Practice, Practice, Practice!
I wanted to improve my sexual skills.
I wanted to try out new sexual techniques or positions.
I wanted to experiment with new experiences.
I wanted the experience.

10. “Why Not?”
The opportunity presented itself.
It just happened.
It just seemed like the thing to do.
The person was "available."
I was bored.

11. Health Benefits
I thought it would make me feel healthy.
It seemed like good exercise.
I wanted to relieve my menstrual cramps.
I wanted to burn calories.
I wanted to keep warm.
I thought it would help me to fall asleep.

12. Manipulation/Control
I wanted to manipulate him/her into doing something for me.
I wanted to "gain control" of the person.
I wanted to "possess" the person.
I thought it would help "trap" a new partner.
I wanted to feel powerful.
I wanted to dominate the other person.

13. Personal Gain
I wanted to get a raise.
I wanted to get a job.
I wanted to get a promotion.
Someone offered me money to do it.
I wanted to gain access to that person's friend.
The person offered to give me drugs for doing it.
The person had a lot of money.
I wanted to make money.
I wanted to get a special favor from someone.
I wanted to get a favor from someone.
The person had taken me out for an expensive dinner.
The person had bought me jewelry.
I wanted to get out of doing something.
It would get me gifts.
It was an initiation rite to a club or organization.

14. Escape/Relief
I wanted to forget about my problems.
I thought it would relax me.
I wanted to release anxiety/stress.
I wanted to release tension.
I wanted to get rid of aggression.

15. Peer Pressure/Reputation
My friends were having sex and I wanted to fit in.
I wanted to have something to tell my friends.
I could brag to other people about my sexual experience.
I wanted to be popular.
I wanted to gain acceptance from my friends.
Everyone else was having sex.
I thought it would boost my social status.
I wanted to enhance my reputation.
I wanted to impress friends.
It would damage my reputation if I said "no."
My friends pressured me into it.
I was competing with someone to "get the person."
I wanted to brag to my friends about my conquests.
I wanted to have more sex than my friends.
Someone dared me.
The person was famous and I wanted to be able to say I had sex with him/her.

16. Obligation
I wanted to fulfill a previous promise to my partner.
I felt like it was my duty.
I felt obligated to.
It was expected of me.
I felt like I owed it to the person.
I was married and you're supposed to.
It was part of the relationship "routine."

17. Coercion/Nagging
I was physically forced to.
I was pressured into doing it.
I was verbally coerced into doing it.
I wanted to stop my partner's nagging.
The person demanded that I have sex with him/her.
My partner kept insisting.
I was afraid to say "no" due to the possibility of physical harm.
I wanted him/her to stop bugging me about sex.

18. Laziness/Lack of Social Skills
It was easier to "go all the way" than to stop.
I wanted to change the topic of conversation.
I didn't know how to say "no."

19. Pity/Guilt/Random Acts of Kindness
It was a favor to someone.
I was slumming.
I wanted to avoid hurting someone else's feelings.
I wanted the person to feel good about himself/herself.
I wanted to return a favor.
I wanted to be nice.
I felt sorry for the person.
I wanted to make the person feel better about himself/herself.
I felt guilty.
I didn't want to disappoint the person.

20. Hallmark Wasn't Enough
I wanted to welcome someone home.
I wanted to say "I'm sorry."
I wanted to say "goodbye."
I wanted to say "Thank you."
I wanted to say "I've missed you."
I wanted to celebrate a birthday or anniversary or special occasion.
It was a special occasion.
I wanted to celebrate something.

21. Impairment
I was drunk.
I was under the influence of drugs.

22. Spirituality
I wanted a "spiritual" experience.
I wanted to feel closer to God.

23. Conquest
I wanted to see if I could get the other person into bed.
I wanted to increase the number of sex partners I had experienced.
I wanted to make a conquest.
I needed another "notch on my belt."

24. Procreation
I wanted to have a child.
I wanted to reproduce.

25. To Please or Submit to Partner
I wanted to keep my partner happy.
I wanted to keep my partner satisfied.
I wanted to please my partner.
I wanted to make my partner feel powerful.
I wanted to lift my partner's spirits.
I wanted to help my partner forget about his/her problems.
I wanted to display submission.
I wanted to submit to my partner.

26. Fear of Losing Partner
I was afraid my partner would have an affair if I didn't have sex with him/her.
I wanted to get my partner to stay with me.
I wanted to decrease my partner's desire to have sex with someone else.
I didn't want to "lose" the person.
I wanted to prevent a breakup.
I wanted to keep my partner from straying.
I wanted to ensure the relationship was "committed."
I wanted to make up after a fight.

27. Intimacy/Romance/To Show Love
I wanted to become one with another person.
I wanted to feel connected to the person.
I wanted to intensify my relationship.
It was a romantic setting.
I wanted to put the passion back into my relationship.
I desired emotional closeness (i.e. intimacy).
I wanted to increase my emotional bond by having sex.
I wanted to communicate at a deeper level.
I realized I was in love.
I wanted to show my affection to the person.
I wanted to express my love for the person.

28. To Get Love
I wanted to get a partner to express love.
I wanted the person to love me.
I wanted to feel loved.

29. Self Loathing
I wanted to be used or degraded.
I wanted to punish myself.

30. Attention
It was the only way my partner would spend time with me.
I wanted my partner to notice me.
I wanted the attention.

31. Self-Esteem/Validation
I wanted to make myself feel better about myself.
I wanted to feel attractive.
I wanted to feel good about myself.
I wanted to boost my self-esteem.
I felt insecure.
I wanted to raise my self-esteem.
I was feeling lonely.

32. To Feel A Certain Way
I wanted to feel older.
I wanted to feel feminine.
I wanted to feel young.
I wanted to feel masculine.
I wanted to reaffirm my sexual orientation.
33. Rebound Sex/Jealousy
I was trying to "get over" and earlier person/relationship.
I was on the "rebound" from another relationship.
I felt jealous.
I wanted to make someone else jealous.

34. Revenge Sex
I wanted to get even with someone (i.e. revenge).
I wanted to get back at my partner for having cheated on me.
I wanted to get rid of a headache.
I wanted to even the score with a cheating partner.
I was mad at my partner, so I had sex with someone else.
I wanted to break up a rival's relationship by having sex with his/her partner.
I wanted to hurt an enemy.

35. Other Cruel Intentions
I wanted to give someone a sexually transmitted disease (e.g., herpes, AIDS).
I wanted to breakup another's relationship.
I wanted to hurt/humiliate the person.
I wanted to breakup my relationship.
I wanted to end the relationship.
The person had too much to drink and I was about to take advantage of them.

36. Stroke of Fate
I was "in the heat of the moment."
I got "carried away."
It seemed like the natural next step.
Because of a bet.

37. Other “Priorities”
It would allow me to "get sex out of my system" so that I could focus on other things.
I wanted to get the most out of life.
I was tired of being a virgin.
I wanted to become more focused on work -- sexual thoughts are distracting.

I still don't understand why "I needed a ride home" wasn't listed (although I suppose that could fall under Personal Gain). And we're kinda disturbed to see physical force and fear of harm listed here, because it's a little scary and depressing to think that there are still so many people who don't realize that rape doesn't equal sex.

On the flip side, some of these are just funny. "To keep warm"? Yeah, why put on a sweater when you can just have sex! "I saw the person naked and couldn't resist"? That makes it sound like it just happened to be a situation where one or both people were naked for some random non-sexual reason and the sex "just happened" (another favorite reason) after the totally unrelated nudity. Our money's on naked Twister.

And the most important question in all of this...when is someone going to offer us money to conduct this kind of "research"? It would have taken us approximately 20 minutes and 6-8 Coronas to come up with better results than this.


Insomniac said...

well written. "I wanted to hurt/humiliate the person." - hilarious. props

Steph Rules said...

HAAAA love this blog. One of my favorites. Out of the many reasons to have sex i must say the "Hallmark wasnt enough" reason was hilarious!!! Next time i get a card from someone i will expect more. lol This was great