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December 31, 2007

Resolutions We Wish Other People Would Make

Today we could tell you all about the resolutions that the ESC has made for the new year, but who wants to hear about that? Instead, we thought we'd make a list of some of the resolutions that we wish other people would make.

-Lindsey Lohan - go back to the red hair, stop screwing around, and make Mean Girls 2 already

-Heather from Rock of Love - go back to the "BIG HAIR" we miss it!

-The makers of reality TV - bring back the so-bad-it's-good reality programming! We're on model overload with some of the only semi-decent reality shows that were on the past few months being Project Runway, America's Next Top Model, America's Most Smartest Model, and The Shot. (There have also been commercials for the upcoming Make Me a Supermodel). Tila Tequila was never as "turned on" as Bret Michaels, I Love New York really didn't need a sequel and there's only so much we could take of the Hills. Where are the washed up celebrities and pick up artists we've grown to love? Rock of Love 2 better be fucking great.

-George Bush - wow, there's just so much we could say. How about just "do the opposite of almost everything you've been doing".

-The Spears Family - boycott all contact with the media. Even a month or two would be great. (Waivers might be granted for the shows Intervention or Celebrity Rehab.)

-The AMPTP - Just pay the writers already.

-Tom Cruise - Reconsider your bowl cut. It doesn't look good on anyone. Oh, and while we're at it...

-Katie Holmes - Reconsider Tom Cruise.

-The United States Congress - Reconsider your continuing support and funding for abstinence only sex education. Unless maybe you'd like to wait for another 50 or 60 studies to come out proving that it doesn't work.

-Amy Winehouse - Go into rehab and stay there until 2009, then make a big comeback with a fresh beehive and an awesome new album.

Of course, we also hope that all of our readers will resolve to be as evil and slutty as possible in 2008. Happy New Year!

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