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January 16, 2008

Fuck Huckabee

I already knew that I didn't like the guy, but every day I hear more and more reasons to hate him... and fear about the morons that keep voting for him in the primaries. (What were you thinking Iowa!?)

So here is just a random sampling of Mike Huckabee's greatest misses. (There are many more, but we don't have enough bandwidth to support it all).


Hilarious photo courtesy of Rumandmonkey.com

He Doesn't Believe in Evolution

Of course, we had to start with the obvious one: he doesn't believe in evolution.
"If you want to believe that you and your family came from apes, that's fine. I'll accept that. I just don't happen to think that I did."
"Yes. I think they were a real person, Adam and Eve. I have no reason to doubt that."
Now I do believe in a higher power and am not trying to knock anyone with religious faith, but how can you argue with science? Even if some of the "facts" about evolution are disproved (I do acknowledge that we make new discoveries and developments every day that often changes what we believe today to be "fact"), I still think there had to be more than the literal interpretation of Creation.
"I believe God created the heavens and the Earth. Now, how he did it, I don't know. I thought the question was utterly silly to be asked in a presidential debate. None of us are running in order to be an 8th grade science teacher. We're running to be president."
So he thinks it's not relevant? I think Bill Maher put it best when he responded to Huckabee with this:
"If someone believes that the earth is 6,000 years old, when every scientist in the world knows it’s billions of years old, why shouldn’t I take that into account when I’m assessing the rationality of someone I’m going to put in the highest office in the land?”
Of course, Huckabee has since backpedaled a bit and "clarified" that he feels evolution may have taken place, but that it was God's doing (which honestly, isn't that far from my own beliefs). Although he seemed to be pretty ignorant of what evolution actually means, so who knows what he really believes.

He Wants to Amend the Constitution

Now that doesn't actually sound that bad until you hear why and how he wants to amend the Constitution.
In reference to a "constitutional human life amendment" (making abortion illegal) and an amendment defining marriage as "between a man and a woman" he has said:
"I believe it's a lot easier to change the constitution than it would be to change the word of the living God, and that's what we need to do is to amend the Constitution so it's in God's standards rather than try to change God's standards."
He's also been quoted in the past as saying that the Constitution...
"...was written to be changed. The holy Bible on the other hand, is a divine document. It was not written to be changed by us."
Now obviously the ESC is really against these types of amendments... being both pro-choice and for same sex marriage, but we can accept that everyone has their own political views and opinions (even if we hate those opinions and find them to be biased and unfair). What makes it so much worse is that he's trying to impose his religious values on the rest of America. I don't particularly care about what the holy Bible says, because I don't follow the writings of the Bible. "God's standards" don't really belong in the Constitution, especially since we don't all believe in the same god (or any at all necessarily).


He's "Pro-Life", but Pro-Death Penalty

As we already said, Huckabee is against abortion. Now that's not really so strange coming from a Republican (unfortunately) but we still don't like it! He doesn't just support a federal ban on abortion, but he had the nerve to make an analogy to slavery.
"I hate slavery, but people can go ahead and practice it."
"It's the logic of the Civil War... If morality is the point here, and if it's right or wrong, not just a political question, then you can't have 50 different versions of what's right and what's wrong."
Despite his busy schedule, he even had time to make comments about Jamie Lynn Spears' teenage pregnancy, by calling it a "tragedy" but adding:
"Apparently, she's going to have the child, and I think that is the right decision, a good decision, and I respect that and appreciate it."
However, with all his concern for LIFE... he still supports the death penalty. Again, not so surprising... What's surprising is his nerve in using Jesus to defend that stance!

In 1997, he was defending capital punishment:
"Interestingly enough, if there was ever an occasion for someone to have argued aginst the death penalty, I think Jesus could have done so on the cross and said, 'This is an unjust punishment and I deserve clemency.' "
Wow. So many things wrong with that statement. The first being that he's making a literal interpretation of the Bible (despite claiming at other times that he believes it to be allegorical). Well maybe Jesus didn't protest because he knew he'd be resurrected and therefore is biased on the topic.

Secondly, just because Jesus didn't say it wasn't okay, doesn't mean that Jesus does think it's okay. I think there's a lot of stuff Jesus probably forgot to address in his lifetime... But he did preach love, compassion, forgiveness and redemption... didn't he?

And lastly - he's forgetting that not everyone in America cares what Jesus thought! We're not all Christians, remember that!?!

He Helped Free a Convicted Rapist/Murderer

Although he's for the death penalty, obviously he doesn't have a problem releasing murderers from jail... As governor of Arkansas, Huckabee pushed for the early parole of convicted rapist Wayne Dumond, who later went on to rape and kill two other women after his release. Huckabee said that he did not think that Dumond was a risk, despite being warned by numerous women who had been assaulted by the convict and said he would likely strike again. Huckabee claimed to have never received letters from these women, but later admitted that he had.

Apparently, Huckabee was pressured by conservative activists (including Baptist minister and radio host, Jay Cole) because they claimed his initial imprisonment was due to the fact that the high school cheerleader he had raped was a distant cousin of Bill Clinton (and daughter of a major Clinton camp gain contributor). Yeah, that's right. Anti-Clinton activists decided that the rape never happened and therefore Dumond should be released (despite the fact that a jury found him guilty of the crime and he had been arrested for rape before in the past).

Huckabee was quoted as saying:

"There is grave doubt to the circumstances of this reported crime."

After Dumond's release, he went on to rape and murder at least two other women (one of whom was pregnant) and was convicted to life in prison. (He died in prison of natural causes in 2005).

Now hopefully, Huckabee wouldn't have pushed for Dumond's parole if he had honestly believed he might go on to commit those crimes. But that still doesn't mean he wasn't wrong. Many people feel that by pushing for Dumond's parole - and making so many pardons in his tenure as governor - that he abused his power.

Huckabee has granted an unprecedented amount of pardons, commutations, and clemencies in his term as governor, than the previous three governors combined. That's not so bad, except for that fact that many feel he made "faith-based pardons" (that is, when his fellow ministers requested it).

Some examples:
"Donald W. Clark, convicted of theft. Huckabee's pastor recommended leniency for Clark, whose stepmother worked on Huckabee's gubernatorial staff.

Robert A. Arnold Jr., who was convicted of killing his father-in-law. Arnold's father, a former mayor of Hope, Huckabee's hometown, said he was a casual friend of the governor.

A pastor who promoted Huckabee among blacks urged the governor to grant clemency to John Henry Claiborne, who was sentenced to 100 years for a 1994 armed robbery, according to a 2004 report in the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette. Huckabee made Claiborne eligible for parole after receiving a letter from the Rev. Charles Williams, who told the newspaper he had helped win "many, many" clemencies from Huckabee.

Whitewater figure David Hale, a government witness in the trial that forced Gov. Jim Guy Tucker's resignation and let Huckabee ascend to the office, was pardoned after being sentenced to 21 days in a state insurance case. Huckabee complained it would cost too much to hold him. The price tag: $1,200."

As prosecutor Robert Herzfeld said to the Associated Press in 2004 (after challenging Huckabee's decision to let another prison go free before his sentence was completed):

"It seems to be true at least anecdotally that if a minister is involved, he seems likely to grant clemency."


He Doesn't Support Safe-Sex Programs

That's bad enough, but he had the nerve to compare it to drunk driving and domestic violence:
"...we don't say, 'Okay, don't drive as drunk,' do we?"

"We don't say that a little domestic violence is okay, just cut it down a little, just don't hit quite as hard. We say it's wrong."

Wow. Because having sex is as bad as drunk driving or domestic violence? He thinks it would be easier to ask people to not engage in "reckless behavior" than to fund safe-sex programs... but having SEX itself isn't necessarily reckless behavior. Having unsafe sex is reckless, but how are people supposed to know that or know how to be safe, if there are no safe-sex programs?

He's had similar comments about the use of condoms in fighting the AIDS epidemic in Africa.

"...it gives some people a false sense of security thinking that they can still live dangerously and recklessly and that that’s going to be a fail safe protection when it obviously is not.”

Um... Correct and consistent use of latex condoms can greatly reduce the risk of transmission of HIV. Yeah, nothing is 100% effective in protecting against HIV except for abstinence but isn't using a condom better than NOT using a condom? I think we all know by now that Abstinence-Only is unrealistic.


He Wanted to Isolate AIDS Patients

Now we all know he was against homosexuality (he has called it "unnatural and sinful"), but who knew that he was actually against AIDS patients?

In 1992, Huckabee advocated the isolation of AIDS patients because of the "dangerous public health risk":
"If the federal government is truly serious about doing something with the AIDS virus, we need to take steps that would isolate the carriers of this plague.

It is difficult to understand the public policy towards AIDS. It is the first time in the history of civilization in which the carriers of a genuine plague have not been isolated from the general population, and in which this deadly disease for which there is no cure is being treated as a civil rights issue instead of the true health crisis it represents.

In light of the extraordinary funds already being given for AIDS research, it does not seem that additional federal spending can be justified. "

He made these statements years after it was already common knowledge that AIDS was not transmitted through casual contact. Even today, he refuses to admit that he was wrong... defending his statement by simply insisting "we didn't know." Although we did know. In fact President Reagan spoke out on this issue in 1987:

"As dangerous and deadly as AIDS is, many of the fears surrounding it are unfounded. These fears are based on ignorance. I was told of a newspaper photo of a baby in a hospital crib with a sign that said, 'AIDS -- Do Not Touch.' Fortunately, that photo was taken several years ago, and we now know there's no basis for this kind of fear.
...Ladies and gentlemen, this is old-fashioned fear, and it has no place in the home of the brave. The Public Health Service has stated that there's no medical reason for barring a person with the virus from any routine school or work activity. There's no reason for those who carry the AIDS virus to wear a scarlet A. AIDS is not a casually contagious disease..."
The AIDS Institute had asked Huckabee to meet with Jeanne White-Ginder (the mother of Ryan White, who suffered terrible discrimination as an AIDS patient in the 80s) in order to help educate him on the devastating impact of AIDS. He still hasn't met with her.

He is Against Same-Sex Marriage

He has already admitted that he believes homosexuality is "an aberrant, unnatural and sinful lifestyle" and may or may not be a choice:
"People who are gay say that they’re born that way. But one thing I know, that the behavior one practices is a choice”. We may have certain tendencies, but how we behave and how we carry out our behavior..."
But he's also decided that gay marriage would risk the of end of civilization:
"I don't think the issue's about being against gay marriage. It's about being for traditional marriage and articulating the reason that's important. You have to have a basic family structure. There's never been a civilization that has rewritten what marriage and family means and survived. So there is a sense in which, you know, it's one thing to say if people want to live a different way, that's their business. But when you want to redefine what family means or what marriage means, then that's an issue that should require some serious and significant debate in the public square."
Not only does he oppose same-sex marriage, but he also opposed civil unions, seeing it as one step towards legalizing same-sex marriage:
"When you create a validity and actually put a sort of government approval on the behavior, I think that is a different set of rules than, say, a person makes a lifestyle decision, and that's choice."

"This isn't a ban on 'gay marriage' since, for those of us who believe in the biblical and historical definition, there's no such thing as 'gay marriage.' We can disagree yet respect a homosexual relationship between two consenting adults. But when government is asked to approve the relationship, the people have a right to maintain the traditional definition of marriage."
"Unless Moses comes down with two stone tablets from Brokeback Mountain to tell us something different, we need to keep that understanding of marriage."

He has also opposed other gay-rights issues, such as the right of homosexuals (and unmarried heterosexuals) to be foster parents:

"It is not in the best interest of children for them to be placed in an environment that the Legislature has specifically and purposely removed from legal sanction and recognition."

"I felt, and I still feel, any decision ought to be in the best interest of the child and it ought not to be about making a point or taking a position for social change. I felt that many of the people who were pushing it were not pushing it so much because their first concern was for the children. Their concern was for their rights to be able to . . . be foster parents."


He Thinks Wives Should "Submit" To Their Husbands

In 1988 he (and his wife!) signed a full-page ad in USA Today supporting the Southern Baptist Convention's controversial position on a woman's role in marriage:
"A wife is to submit herself graciously to the servant leadership of her husband even as the church willingly submits to the headship of Christ.”
He recently reaffirmed his position, suggesting that the Bible commands husbands and wives to both give to each other 100%. Yeah, but that's not what the statement he endorsed actually said...
"A wife is to submit herself graciously to the servant leadership of her husband even as the church willingly submits to the headship of Christ. She, being in the image of God as is her husband and thus equal to him, has the God-given responsibility to respect her husband and to serve as his helper in managing the household and nurturing the next generation."

He Wants to Deny Birthright Citizenship

Huckabee wants to prevent children born in the U.S. to illegal aliens from automatically becoming American citizens. This is the most radical and extreme immigration law that any candidate has proposed.

Now I'm not saying that it's okay for undocumented aliens to be living here illegally. There are a lot of issues related to immigration. But the 14th Amendment says:
"...all persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States."
So if Huckabee were to get his way... basically, a teenager who has lived in the United States his whole life, possibly speaks only English, and is an "American" in every sense of the word... would suddenly be deported (to a country he's never even known) simply because his parents came here illegally years ago?

Think about this for a moment: Where did your family come from? Unless you're of Native American descent, the odds are your ancestors immigrated here from somewhere else, possibly "illegally". Does that mean that you (and your parents/grandparents/etc.) should be deported?

His proposal is ludicrous. Even a little kid, with no knowledge of citizenship and naturalization processes, could tell you that if you're born in America... you are an American.

He's a Religious Extremist and Literalist

He has equated his success in the polls with the miracle of loaves and fishes and is suggesting that it is "beyond human":
"There's only one explanation for it, and it's not a human one. It's the same power that helped a little boy with two fish and five loaves feed a crowd of 5,000 people and that's the only way that our campaign could be doing what it's doing.

And I'm not being facetious nor am I trying to be trite. There literally are thousands of people across who are praying that a little will become much and it has, and it defies all explanation. It has confounded the pundits, and I'm enjoying every minute of their trying to figure it out. And until they look at it from a just experience beyond human, they'll never figure it out. And that's probably just as well. That's honestly why its happening."

He believes that mass prayer has given him his recent success. We think it probably has more to do with mass stupidity.

He's been repeatedly quoted about the role his theological convictions play in the polls:
"I’ve been given an unusual level of scrutiny. No candidate gets quizzed to the depth that I do about faith."
Um... maybe if you'd shut up about your faith for a few seconds, we'd stop worrying about it.

Take the fact that he insists that his theology degree somehow makes him more qualified to fight terrorism than the other candidates:
"I think I'm stronger than most people because I truly understand the nature of the war that we are in with Islamo fascism. These are people that want to kill us. It's a theocratic war And I don't know if anybody fully understands that. I'm the only guy on that stage with a theology degree."

Huckabee Can Suck It

The only cool thing we can say about Huckabee is that he's "Chuck Norris Approved". But really... that's just something bad to say about Chuck Norris. Although I hope he doesn't find out I said that. He scares me.

Although I guess this does help Huckabee's argument that evolution isn't real:
"There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live."

6 comments:

Adam said...

Since Romney's attempt at abusing the memory of Kennedy's speech regarding faith and the Oval office, I've taken a renewed interest in it. Here is a short excerpt.

"That is the kind of America in which I believe. And it represents the kind of presidency in which I believe — a great office that must neither be humbled by making it the instrument of any one religious group, nor tarnished by arbitrarily withholding its occupancy from the members of any one religious group. I believe in a president whose religious views are his own private affair, neither imposed by him upon the nation, or imposed by the nation upon him as a condition to holding that office.

I would not look with favor upon a president working to subvert the First Amendment's guarantees of religious liberty. Nor would our system of checks and balances permit him to do so. And neither do I look with favor upon those who would work to subvert Article VI of the Constitution by requiring a religious test — even by indirection — for it. If they disagree with that safeguard, they should be out openly working to repeal it."

Average Male said...

While I can't stand the douchebag's positions either, fortunately it was actually a VERY SMALL number of Iowans who voted for him--slightly less than 41,000--and THREE Democrats got more total votes that he did (Obama, 94,000; Clinton and Edwards, 74,000). That is, he got 34% of the 118,000 Republican votes, but only 32% of caucusing Iowans showed up for the Republican caucus--the other 68%, or 250,000, of caucusing Iowans voted in the Democratic caucus.

So, Huckabee got a whooping 11% of the total vote. Wow. Give me a minute to be impressed. OK, I'm done now.

Iowans voted, but they sure didn't vote for Huckabee--they voted Democrat.

~Average Male Thinking~

Anonymous said...

hahahahahahahahaha! I hate that someone so closed minded has any followers at all...that means there are other people who agree with some or all of the bull he spews...If there is a God, HELP US! Maybe Huck might get aids and we can make him the leader in his plan of isolation *~*

Heather said...

Agreed. Fuck him. What an asshole.

Anonymous said...

Sadly, I would not be suprised if this fucker won. I would pray that someday I would wake up and turn on the TV to news of Bush's assassination, but if this self-righteous bible-thumping idiot became president, I think I, myself, would be buying a brand new rifle. I mean, WOW, when you hear what he has SAID in some of the interviews, about AMMENDING THE CONSTITUTION, all but the most severly brainwashed of this country just have to step back and catch their breath.

It sickens me.

Anonymous said...

One more strike out for hillbilly Huckabee as a governor, he pardoned a vicious criminal violating parole, who had been sentenced to 96 years in prison, and that vicious criminal is the African American man who gunned down five police officers in a restaurant. I hope that Huckabee is charged in some way for pardoning that bastard a few years ago. I wonder if Huckabee has a conscience? Typical scum politician. He can sit smug and secure in his mansion with his fat, ugly, retard-looking sons, daughter and wife and think of some cunning message to deliver to his empty headed fans. Shame on you Huckabee! You think you're such a big shit on Fox News with your intoxicatingly boring show. You look like such a fuck-tard with that asinine bass guitar strapped around you. Give it up Huckabee. You look like sshit for your age. 52, you look 65! Cheesy bastard.