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June 4, 2008

Dumb Bitch Double: Gay / Marriage

We've got two quotes for your enjoyment today in a supersized edition of Dumb Bitch Parade.

First, we must talk briefly about the celebrity wedding of the year. Oh, who are we kidding? Everyone knows the Ellen and Portia wedding is going to be the celebrity wedding of the year. Unfortunately we're just talking about Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz. Apparently Ms. Simpson has decided to take her husband's name and become Ashlee Wentz, but will use Ashlee Simpson-Wentz professionally. Of the name change, Ashlee had this to say:

"I think that that's something that a woman should do when they're marrying a man. It's a tradition that I think is a great tradition."
It's great that you think it's great and that you're happy with your choice, Mrs. Wentz. But is it really necessary to take that extra step and say that it's something that other women 'should' do? Because no, what other women who are getting married should do is make the choice that's right for them and decide for themselves which traditions are great and which ones are sexist and old fashioned. Some people (who are not us) would also say that it's a "great tradition" to wait until after you're married to have sex and/or get pregnant, and somehow we don't think you'd agree with them.

At least Mrs. Pete let lesbians off the hook, since she said it's only something that a woman should do when they're marrying a man. So the DeGeneres-de Rossi family is free to do whatever they'd like.



Our second quote comes from model Lauren Hutton, who has come up with a fascinating theory about Sex And The City despite never having actually watched the show, which she shared this week on the Today show.
Lauren said, "It's written by guys, who happen to be gay, who are sluts. That's what I think. Let's face it most men are sluts. That's what testosterone is supposed to do. As a hunter, if you stayed alive after 30, nature wanted your genes out there. Women were just trying to get the best sperm to make a masterpiece. You have a bunch a guys who are sluts, writing for women and telling them they are supposed to act like this."
(Yes, we found both of these quotes on Perez Hilton. Don't judge.)

Of course, as many people know, Sex and the City was based on the book of the same name written by Candace Bushnell, who we're pretty sure is not a gay man.

Also, you have to love the tortured 'logic' here. Men are sluts because they're wired from the hunter/gatherer days to get their "genes out there", so Sex And The City was written by gay men, who are also sluts even though they aren't trying to get their genes out there because they're, you know, gay. But they're still trying to make women think that they should be more promiscuous, we guess so that more women will get out there and have sex with more men and make more "masterpieces", even though that won't actually be beneficial to the gay male writers of Sex And The City at all, because they're GAY. When you think about it, it really makes total sense, doesn't it?

You know, liberals always complain when right-wing nutjobs make vague comments about the threat of the gays and their 'gay agenda', without ever really explaining what that means. At least Ms. Hutton here is giving us a glimpse into the inner workings of the conspiracy theory. It makes so much sense that gay men would conspire to make women seem sluttier, because......um......yeah, we got nothing. It makes about as much sense as the argument about how allowing gay marriage would lead to men marrying aardvarks or whatever.

We have to admit though, all of this talk of gays and marriage makes us think about what our combo name would be if we were lesbians. Would we be Jezebel Lilith and Lilith Jezebel, or Jezebel and Lilith Evil or Lilith and Jezebel E. Slutopia? This marriage stuff is complicated, we're glad we don't have to deal with it.


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