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July 15, 2008

Dumb Things People Say To Pregnant Women: Part II

And now for a new edition of Dumb Things People Say to Pregnant Women, submitted by one of our favorite evil slutty mothers-to-be, Roxeigh.

Dumb Bitch Parade:
The Maternity Edition Part II

Roxeigh: No sorry, I can't drink. I'm pregnant.

Dumb Bitch: That's what she gets for sleeping with random strangers!
And yet she still figures she gets to call herself an aunt.


Roxeigh: The one thing that really gets me is Red Bull. Not being able to have my precious caffeinated energy is an exercise in human strength on my part.

Dumb Bitch: Oh one or two won't hurt! I drank Bailey's all my pregnancy and my kids are fine!
Her youngest is an FASD child.


Dumb Bitch:
Oh My God You are NOT having a midwife! They don't know what they are doing!

Roxeigh: Plenty of people have had midwives.. but I'll be sure to tell her she doesn't know what she is doing.

Dumb Bitch: Well she might know.
She has never had kids or known anyone who has ever had a kid with a midwife.


Dumb Bitch: Do you know what you are having?

Roxeigh: Yep, its a boy, so says two ultrasounds.

Dumb Bitch: Oh. You know that means you are going to get bigger hips right? Boys always do that to a woman.


Roxeigh: I've gained... maybe a pound since being pregnant.

Dumb Bitch: Well you definitely look bigger! I bet you weight more than me!
She is a size 22. I'm an 18, max. She has backwards anorexia. ("I'm sooo skinny!")


My stepbrother and his girlfriend have decided to try to have a baby now too.
Dumb Bitch: Aren't you excited that we are working on a family?

Roxeigh's Stepdad: Well, I'm pretty excited to have grandkids in general.

Dumb Bitch: But aren't you excited to have a real grandchild? One from the bloodline?


My parents bought a folding cot for me to put in the nursery, to save me going up and down the stairs all the time.

Dumb Bitch: Are you planning to take boarders in the nursery?

Um, yeah totally. I want a stranger sleeping beside my child.

We can't wait to hear what the dumb bitches will say once Roxeigh's baby is born!

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