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January 9, 2009

The Right Wing Is Going To Starve

Queers United brings us the story of yet another protest from the American Family Association.
The American Family Association is calling for a boycott of Pepsi due to their support for the "homosexual agenda" and they are asking their constituents to take action by letting Pepsi know they plan on boycotting.

They are angry because Pepsi donated $500,000 to the Human Rights Campaign as well as $500,000 to Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays(PFLAG)

Pepsi has also marched in pride parades and handed out Pepsi products and paraphernalia in an effort to market to the LGBT community.

In addition PepsiCo has workshops to trains its employees in diversity training which includes educating about sexual orientation and gender identity issues.
So, let's review. The right wingers can't drink Starbucks because of that mermaid whore on their cups - it's practically hardcore porn, no self-respecting conservative Christian would carry that thing around. It probably threatens traditional marriage somehow too. And they can't go to Dunkin Donuts instead, because then the terrorists win. McDonald's is off-limits, because the whole company (not just Ronald) is totally gay. Campbell's Soup? Sorry, no, they've been infiltrated by evil lesbians doing horrible things like cooking meals for their children. This means they also can't have other Campbell's products like Swanson broth, Pace salsa, Pepperidge Farm cookies and goldfish crackers, Prego sauces, and V8 juices.

And now Pepsi products are off the table too, which means not just soda but also stuff like Frito-Lay chips (no Doritos, Tostitos, or Cheetos!), Quaker Oats (no Captain Crunch or Life cereal and no Aunt Jemima syrup either, and no Rice-a-Roni, but that's probably good because we all know anything called "the San Francisco treat" would probably turn you gay anyway) and Tropicana juices. They own Naked Juice too, but that doesn't matter because AFA members would never walk around with a bottle that had the word NAKED on it in big letters, that would be shameful. They also make Gatorade, so any athletic evangelicals will have to switch to Powerade or some other -ade product or be stuck with water...but not Aquafina, cause that's PepsiCo too, sorry. Looks like they better start planting some anti-gay victory gardens before they completely run out of food options.


ceirdwenfc said...

They'll waste away to nothing, and then what will we do?

eizzy.k said...

LoL! we'd pitty them, then continue drinkin pepsi n all like we've always done!

FEMily! said...

Now if we could only turn Wal-Mart gay . . . .

Adam said...

So, this is the right wing version of a hunger strike?

Renee said...

Let's just hope that they waste away quietly.

Queers United said...

glad to have inspired a post, thanks for this great write up