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February 23, 2009

Stupid Protest: Banned Sex Books

I was just reading Women's eNews and I came across this gem in their Cheers & Jeers of the Week section:

"In Topeka, Kan., library patrons under 18 will be shielded from four books that a group called Kansans for Common Sense Policy finds offensive: "Sex for Busy People," "The Lesbian Kama Sutra," "The Joy of Sex" and "The Joy of Gay Sex." The books will be removed from open shelves and access restricted in the future, the Topeka Capital-Journal reported Feb. 20. Since the news came out, the library has had several requests for the books in question."

Okay, first let's just go ahead and get the business out of the way now:

So, you've got your Joy of Sex, because the kids today just love books that reached their height of edginess and popularity back in the 70s. You've got The Joy of Gay Sex, because so many of these right wingers love nothing more than obsessing about every intimate detail of gay sex all day long. I'd be willing to bet that the real reason behind banning these books for the under 18 crowd is so that they're available when the people responsible for the ban in the first place want to take them out, for "research" purposes. They're probably on inter-library loan for Rick Santorum or Sean Hannity half the time anyway.

Then you've got The Lesbian Kama Sutra, because they've got to keep all of those homo bases covered, and I have to say that I didn't know that there was a lesbian version of the Kama Sutra before I read this, and now I'm kinda intrigued, and isn't that always the way with these conservative protests? They draw a ton of attention to something that nobody was really interested in before (meaning that nobody was making a big deal about this particular book, not that nobody was interested in lesbian sex, obviously), and the whole thing just fails and backfires every time. They're keeping ESC Enterprises in business with their crazy shit and I love them for it, only I don't actually love them because they're a bunch of ignorant bigots. But I digress.

So I'm thinking that these are kind of weird choices for sex books to ban for teenagers, or maybe I just really missed the boat by not being well versed in the Kama Sutra by age 15. But then I read the first review of Lesbian Kama Sutra on Amazon, which was generally unfavorable but did include the claim that "this book might be good for a 15 year old just figuring out they might be a lesbian", so maybe the Kansans for Common Sense Policy know a thing or two that I don't.

Rounding out the list is Sex for Busy People, which I initially thought was the biggest misfire of the bunch, because it sounds like it was written for the "I have a Masters but then I got married" demographic of women that Sarah Haskins recently educated us all about. I reconsidered after learning that the book's subtitle is "The Art of the Quickie for Lovers on the Go", which seems like it could be really helpful for all of those high school students trying to fit a sex life in between basketball practice, drama club, filling out college applications, working at Starbucks, and studying for that big calculus exam. They're totally busy people!

More than anything, I'm just dying to know how the Kansans for Common Sense Policy decided on these four books in particular. Wouldn't you have loved to sit on on that meeting? I have so many questions. Did they discuss all of these books in detail? Maybe read passages out loud to each other, and then take them home for further review? Were there other books that they talked about that didn't make the final list for the ban? Why just the lesbian Kama Sutra? Is experimenting with the Kama Sutra okay if you're a straight teenager? How did a bunch of uptight conservatives in Kansas even know that a book called The Lesbian Kama Sutra existed in the first place? Do you think this ban is going to create a whole black market for these books, with students at Topeka High School selling them out of their lockers or whatever?

I think we should all work together and see if we can start a trend. Let's come up with a list of the best, more informative and fun sex books, and start recommending them to these conservative groups for bans and protests. Like, picture Bill O'Reilly going off on a rant about The Sex Bible. (But don't picture it in too much detail, and don't send us your therapy bills if you do.) That way, the protests will completely fail like they always do, but the books will get a ton of free publicity and sell more copies. Then a bunch of people all across the country start having better, safer, more satisfying sex, hopefully including a lot of the people from the conservative groups themselves, most especially the deeply closeted gay ones who are always the most annoyingly outspoken against gay rights because they can't deal with the fact that they so desperately want to be at home reading The Joy of Gay Sex with a hot guy instead of on the floor of the Senate denouncing gay marriage, right Mr. Craig? Then maybe we can reduce our population of uptight, sanctimonious, judgmental people by a little bit, and make the world a better place. Yes we can.

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1 comment:

Rehctaw said...

Great stuff.

Their mantra is "So many books; so little time".

Then they cut off funding for the teen centers because of... you know... e-vil unpure thoughts.

No viable resources are aimed at teens. Left to their own devices, they play with their own devices.

Too old for the playground; too young for the bars.

But these folks are doing everything they can to prevent knowledge. American Heroes.

Keep beating the pissants.