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August 4, 2009

Be a cheap date...

If you've been reading Evil Slutopia for a while, then I'm sure you've realized that we buy an issue of Cosmopolitan magazine every time we go on a trip. Nothing is more fun than mocking Cosmo to distract us from a long train or plane ride. So it should come as no surprise that we picked up a copy of the August 2009 Cosmo for our trip to Chicago for BlogHer.

We read the article "12 Sexy, Totally Free Dates" and realized that apparently Cosmopolitan magazine has no idea what a "date" is. Now it's true that their suggestions are free... and some of them might be a little sexy... but a few of them certainly aren't dates.
Going to dinner with your guy usually means forking over a lot of dough... unless you feast on complimentary samples. Head to a grocery store that gives out nibblers (Costco, Trader Joe's, Whole Foods). Then hit up a wine shop during a tasting night. For dessert, stop by an ice cream parlor and ask to try a bunch of flavors.
Not only is this is in no way an actual "date" but "going to dinner" at the grocery store is totally sad. And testing a bunch of flavors at an ice cream parlor without buying anything afterward is incredibly rude (trust me, this is a one-time only freebie... because once you pull that shit, you won't be able to show your face in there again).
Take a mini romantic vacation with him. Do a house swap with friends. Even if it's just the next town over, being in new surroundings lends your stay the fun, exciting vibe (plus red-hot sex) you get when you're on a trip.
Ah, someone is watching too many Cameron Diaz movies. Yeah, there's nothing more fun than having sex in your friend's bed! Really... try enjoying that while remembering that your friend is probably having sex in your bed. Awesome.
Split appetizers at your favorite chain restaurant, and have them foot the bill. All you have to do is join their e-club. For example, you'll snag a free app from Lone Star Steakhouse and Saloon. Maggiano's Little Italy, and TGI Friday's.
So now having splitting an appetizer is a "date". Wouldn't those free appetizer offers only be good with the purchase of dinner anyway?

Sex, of course, is the ultimate sexy thing to do for free. But the price of protection can add up. Sign up for samples of condoms and lube and a vibrating ring at jollyjohns.com.

You know, free condoms are great... but is sex really a date? I can see it being part of a date... but can you really imagine this conversation: "So what do you want to do on Friday?" / "Let's have sex".

Actually... I might have to try that one. In fact it gives new meaning to the term cheap date. (Kidding).


Utah Savage said...

These are the worst "dating" tips I've ever heard and I'm 65 so I've heard and read a lot of dating tips. The last one was especially bad, unless you are a hooker. In that case it may be free for you, but would be very bad form if it were free for him.

So when did dating on the cheap become tip worthy? Oh I know the economy is in bad shape, but has cheap EVER been sexy?

Dollface said...

Ughhhh that first one....that's so weird! I mean, I'm all about freebies at grocery stores...WHILE I'm shopping. It seems like something middle schoolers without an income would do.

ceirdwenfc said...

Freebies are great, and I had many a dinner at Happy Hour for $2 (sorry, not free), and if I was taken to a grocery store on a date, I would assume no back home for sex since this guy obviously lives in the park.

Are they serious? I laughed through this blog, waiting for the punchline.

Alas, the punchline is apparently 42 year old mother of 3 is still having a better date (w/sex, no protection needed ($free$)) with strained peas in her hair than a Cosmo girl.

Yay me!