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September 9, 2009

Things To Do To His Ass

The September 2009 issue of Cosmopolitan has an article called "Grab His Butt Like This". Our first reaction of course was "someone got paid to write this!?" But then we were curious about which so-called "booty touches" Cosmo was recommending...

Cosmo recommends the following moves:
  • A Hand in His Pocket -- "Slipping your hand into one of his back pockets can broadcast that you feel extremely close to him [...] This soothing sign of affection is especially great move to use if he's feeling nervous of anxious."

  • A Lengthy Squeeze -- "Clutch one butt cheek firmly for a few seconds and all he'll be able to think about is ripping off your clothes [...] It's very animalistic, so it will make him want passionate, drawn-out sex."

  • A Light Rub or Pat -- "He likes that flirty, light touch when he has other things going on [...] He'll take it to mean that you're thinking about him, but it's not so sexual or intimate that he'll feel like he has to devote all his attention to you."

  • A Hard Spank -- "A swift slap lets him know you want to be in control right then, and most guys find that totally thrilling [...] he'll interpret a spank as a sign that you want to make the next move and call the shots."

Yet again though, Cosmo has omitted one major thing you can do to a guy's butt... you know... stick a little something up there, like a finger or a sex toy...

Why is it that Cosmo can give us FIFTY different ways to touch his penis... can write an entire article about lube... and give maybe 1,000 "brand new hot sex tips" every year... but all the while ignore the fact that anal sex (and anal play) exists? Both men and women are fans of anal... but only men have a prostate. Why does Cosmo want them to ignore it!?

In my entire Cosmo-reading lifetime (sure, I've missed a few months here and there), I've only seen one - yes, one - memorable reference to actual male ass-action. In the recently-mocked 50 Sexy Ways to Touch Him There", a sidebar "Manatomy Explained" described the various parts of the male anatomy and actually included the prostate.

A small gland that can be felt a few inches inside a man's rectum. Often called the male G-spot, it can feel good when stimulated.

I know! I was shocked too. Cosmo, advocating the stimulation of something inside a man's rectum!? Or forget "advocating"... Cosmo acknowledging that there's actually something inside a man's rectum to be stimulated! But then...

For a less, er, probing way to please it, see number 23.

Ah. There it is. Because no self-respecting, fun-and-fearless Cosmo woman would ever want to do anything inside a man's rectum. Number 23's non-probing advice:
As you're cradling his testicles with one hand, place a knuckle from your other hand against his perineum (the super sensitive area between his testicles and anus), and vibrate it.

For whatever reason, anal play (you know, actual anal play and not just pernineal massage or... um, "vibrating") is often considered taboo or "gay", but it's actually quite common and enjoyable for men of all orientations.

For some tips on how to stimulate the prostate (from the inside or the outside):

Some recommended anal toys and accessories (to use alone or with a partner):

Happy "probing"!


sexgenderbody said...

I am fast running out of superlatives to describe you two!

This triumvrate of posts 'hand job', 'penis' & 'ass' are some of the most even handed and fair-minded treatments of male sexual activities from the perspective of his partner.

I think that your particular angle toward a pro-Fem, progressive reclaiming of sexuality has really given you an edge on this kind of writing.

Much writing on this topic is hampered by sexist agenda, watered down by main stream media censors or just plain silly. I like very much how you look with an unblinking gaze at the matter, to see 'what's so' rather than to regurgitate what you were thinking before you even started the project.

Love it.


Anonymous said...

A Hard Spank -- "A swift slap lets him know you want to be in control right then, and most guys find that totally thrilling [...] he'll interpret a spank as a sign that you want to make the next move and call the shots."

Of course, every man interprets it in the same way... [/sarcasm]

One of my favourite memories (as a D/s Top/Dominant) is when my girlfriend thought she could get herself into trouble by slapping my behind. I just made her learn to deliver a bottom-spank properly, coaching her until she got it just right! Did she mean it as "I want to be in control right now"? Nope. Did I interpret it that she wanted to call the shots? Nope. What happened was that I called the shots for her to land them!