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November 4, 2009

Stupid People Don't Deserve Free Pizza

I'm not getting paid by Papa John's to write this. I'm putting that right at the top because after re-reading what I just wrote, I realize the first two paragraphs of this come off like I'm trying to give you guys the hard sell and so you might not make it to paragraph three where I explain why I'm writing about them. The real point here is that I hate stupid people, but in order to defend Papa John's from stupid people I have to defend myself for defending Papa John's. Sigh. It's a New York thing.

I'm a New Yorker, so when I admit that I sometimes eat Papa John's pizza I get a whole bunch of crazy reactions. Primarily, people want to know how I could possibly eat "chain pizza" when I have real pizza just a few train stops away. Now, let's be clear... Papa John's is not my favorite kind of pizza by far (although I do very much prefer them to Domino's) and I honestly don't even consider them to even be in the same category as New York pizza. New York pizza is to Papa John's what Mexican food is to Taco Bell. You can't even compare it...

If someone offered you a pizza bagel you wouldn't complain "this isn't as good as real pizza" because duh, of course it isn't, but a pizza bagel still tastes pretty good for what it is. Maybe in other areas it's different, but around here you might as well call it "pizza food" or "pizza-like product". But the thing is, it doesn't taste bad. Once you get past the whole "this isn't anything like real New York pizza" argument, it's a satisfying meal. I have to admit that sometimes I'm not craving real pizza... sometimes I'm actually craving Papa John's. It's a guilty pleasure for me, kind of like watching reality TV or renting an Amanda Bynes movie (I love that girl, judge me, I don't care). Plus they have some awesome desserts, but I digress.

Now you're probably wondering why the fuck am I writing about Papa John's? No, they're not paying me to write this (and if they were, they certainly wouldn't be happy about that whole "pizza-like product" thing). They don't know I'm writing this and they probably will never see this... but I'm sitting here at my desk at work, eating my lunch (no, I'm not eating Papa John's, sorry, although that would be poetic) and checking out Facebook and I'm getting increasingly annoyed at stupid people.

Here's what happened - Papa John's was running a promotional deal on Facebook: Become a fan of them and get a code for a free medium cheese pizza with a minimum online order of $10. (You know I signed up for that shit ASAP because this is a recession baby.) It said right there on the Facebook fan page that you needed to make an order of $10 or more to qualify for the free pizza.

Pretty straightforward and clear, right? Apparently not for some of the geniuses on Facebook. Today, when everyone finally got the information on how to claim the free pizza codes they all started to flip out. A sampling of the idiotic comments left on the Papa John's Pizza fan page wall:
This is NOT free!!!! just a promo to boost sales! scam. how can they say free is you have to buy something and then only get a medium cheese.???? i cannot believe we are all so gullable!!!!!! i plan to delete papa johns now.... totally misleading and misrepresentattion!!!!!!!! very upset that a company does this.
First off all, you gotta love all the explanation points... The part that makes me laugh though is that they're shocked that this was a promotion to boost sales. Well, duh... of course it is. It's a pretty good deal, but obviously it's to boost sales. What incentive do they have to give people free stuff if it's not to boost sales?
free is free and it's not what they were advertising. The ad said become a fan and get a free medium cheese pizza it did not say with a 10 dollar order.
That would be a good argument if the ad didn't say "with a $10 order"... but sorry, it did!
Where is the coupon for a free pizza, and coupon for $10.00? If this is false advertising, the Att Gen will here about it!!!!!
LOL! The Attorney General really cares about whether or not you're gonna get a free pizza.
what happen to free! wtf ten dollar order is not what they said thats false advertisement
Someone needs to teach these people what "false advertising" really means. If it said "no purchase required" then that would be false advertising.
I'm no longer a fan. You committed false advertising. This is not FREE pizza - it's a free pizza with a PURCHASE!
Someone should probably also teach them what "free" means. Dude, the pizza is still free even if there's a required purchase to qualify. If they charge you $10 for the pizza then that's a scam, but this is basically a free-gift-with-purchase deal and it's a pretty good deal.
its not free! u have to pay to use it thats gay
Ah the good old "that's gay" response! Unless their pizza was trying to slip them some... uh... "sausage". That might be a little gay.
Please remove me from this list.
I threw that one in just because it's so stupid. You're on facebook! There's no "list". Remove yourself.
Domino's wouldnt do this to you! Papa Johns uses money for expensive cars! Its all propaganda people...PROPAGANDA!
It's PROPAGANDA!!!!!!!!!! Forget Papa John's and their expensive cars! Wait... what?
These is not how you do business.
So how do you think Papa John's should "do business"? Just stand on a corner and hand out free pizzas?

Look, it's very rare for any company to do a "free" promotion without a "with purchase" clause or other minor restrictions. As long as they're clear up front on the coupon (which they were), there's nothing wrong with it. Everybody wants something for nothing... and nobody reads the fine print. Although in this case, the "
fine print" was pretty damn big.

Seriously, if you can't maneuver a Facebook page and understand a promotional coupon, then please just leave the Internet altogether.

So yeah, I didn't plan to promote Papa John's today... but I'm so pissed that the MORONS who don't know how to read are talking all this shit about a company that consistently offers pretty great deals... so I just have to. I bet next time Papa John's decides to run a free pizza promotion they won't waste their time with the dumbasses on Facebook and then the few of us who have brains and use them will be free-pizza-less. Booo! Now I'm usually the first one to criticize a company that doesn't do right by their customers or fans... but Papa John's didn't do anything wrong on this one. They just didn't.

Anyway, tonight I'm going to go home and use my free coupon code to order some pizza, chicken wings and a Sweet Treats cinna-pie and watch a She's the Man / Sydney White double header with my daughter and laugh at all the idiots out there who don't understand how to read coupons. And I bet that medium cheese pizza is going to taste even better because it's free.

Edited to add: As a true New Yorker, I should really be eating my free pizza while I watch the Yankee game... but I don't think my daughter is going to stand for that. So just let me know how they do and I'll let you know how Amanda Bynes does in the movie. Thanks!


Casey said...

Wow. Some people can't read or think for themselves. At least some people will understand how to use the coupon and get a deal. I wonder if these people are equally upset about buy one get one sales.

Tanyetta said...

funnny!!! you are so right. I like Uno's pizza. I miss the village! thanks for the laugh today :)

Anonymous said...

are u guys really sluts? if so.. lets hook up ;)

Anonymous said...

The original ad for this deal only said you had to make an online purchase, it never said $10. That is why so many people feel ripped off. And while its highly unlikely an AG will get involved a class action lawsuit will probably go down (but of course benefiting the lawyers more than the people screwed)

Anonymous said...

The ad I saw a few days ago said $10. Maybe people didn't notice it, but that doesn't mean it wasn't there. Even if itw as hidden in the fine print (it wasn't) it would still be legal.

Even if it didn't specifically say $10 (it did), that's still really not a lot of money. A medium pizza normally costs $10, so getting a $10 item for free on a $10 purchase is a GREAT DEAL. If anyone feels ripped off that they're getting literally twice as much as stuff as they're paying for then they're just being greedy.

There are absolutely no grounds for a lawsuit of any kind. Even if some greedy lawyer did let his or her clients actually TRY to sue Papa John's, the case would never EVER see the light of the day because it's ridiculous.

Pickly said...

They'll do promotions like this even in the future. (Idiotic internet comments haven't kept other groups away, it probably just seems like background noise after a bit.)