Cosmo has no sense of humor?
How breastfeeding really works.
This month's interview was with Heidi Klum. The article was full of the usual boring Cosmo-isms but one little comment in particular rubbed us the wrong way:
The baby is wrapped in so many blankets, we catch only a glimpse of the top of her head before Heidi takes her into her arms and excuses herself.No, dumbass. She didn't just "pull out her boob". She was feeding her child. Guess the author didn't get the memo that breastfeeding isn't sexual.
"The baby needed a snack," she says when she returns. Wait...Heidi Klum just pulled out her boob in the middle of a hotel lobby? "Basically, that's exactly what I did," she says matter-of-factly, and we picture guys tripping over their luggage to get a peek at her famous cleavage.
Beauty and the Briefcase
Did anyone else watch the Cosmo movie, Beauty and the Briefcase? We considered reviewing it, but what was there to say other than "OMG WTF LOL"? But there's one thing about the "news" story about the film that we just have to comment on... the part about editor, Kate White:
She's blond and take-charge -- Jaime Pressly did an amazing job as our editor-in-chief. One difference: Our Kate is married; the onscreen version is still looking.Yep, you better make it clear that the real Kate White is married. God forbid we mistake her for some single manless loser. But is that really the only one difference? How bout the some odd 20-year age difference? (White's exact age isn't available anywhere on the web, but apparently she graduated college in 1972 - five years before Pressly, 32, was even born.) We love Jaime Pressly, but really? Who was in charge of the casting of this film anyway?
So now Cosmo is getting article ideas from Playboy interviews. Back in February, John Mayer referred to sex with Jessica Simpson as "sexual napalm"... Ugh, why is Cosmo legitimizing anything that John Mayer has to say?
Dream a little dream...
Possibly one of our "favorite" sections of Cosmo is their monthly guide to decoding your man's behavior instead of actually talking to him. This time they've given us advice on how to analyze our man's sex dreams. Um, now here's a question: If your relationship is open and honest enough, that you can discuss his sex dreams... then why do you need to "analyze" them in order to know how he really feels? Just ask him how he feels.
And their analysis is hilarious anyway:
Since a threeway is the ultimate male fantasy, experts call this a celebration dream. Men often have it after something great happens to them. Did the two of you just start sleeping together or get engaed? Then that something great is probably you!
His Number One Sext Wish
Cosmo sends us yet another mixed message. A few months ago they warned us that we shouldn't send sexy texts because our guys are likely to share them. Yet in the "101 Things About Guys" special section they polled guys to see what kind of sext they'd be most psyched to get. If we're supposed to be wary about sending sexts, why do we care which kind of sext they'd prefer?
Sometimes we don't need commentary.
This issue has a bikini-line grooming guide "Add Some Down-There Flair" that includes bikini-line stencils. Punch-out bikini-line stencils. Words fail us, so you can just see for yourself:
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