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April 8, 2010

I Dream of Johnny (Weir)

I had a crazy, fever-induced dream about Johnny Weir last night. (No it wasn't a sex dream - get your minds out of the gutter!)

Jezebel and I were attending one of his "shows" (that's what we called it in the dream: "the Johnny Weir show") which apparently was being held in an elementary school library or something. Not really the most practical place for a skating exhibition, but I didn't question it. When we got there, the tickets were sold out, but luckily the security was really lax so we just walked in and grabbed a spot in front on the carpet (yes, carpet) next to the stage (yes, stage)... I don't know what kind of fucked up cheesy productions Johnny Weir puts on in my subconscious but this one was rather poorly planned.

I was kind of bumming that I didn't have an actual seat, but my decision to sit in front on the carpet was a super genius move... because who did I find sitting next to me? Johnny Weir himself! Yes, that's right, he was in the audience at his own show. He doesn't even need to be in his own show, he's just that good. So he turns to me and says "I'm not supposed to be sitting here... I don't actually have a ticket, don't tell anyone". Totally bad ass.

So I tell him that I'm from Evil Slutopia... and I remind him of the time our blogger buddy Rehctaw approached him in Chicago and told him all about how Jezebel of the Evil Slut Clique is a huge fan and blogs about him all the time. (This part is actually true.) And he said "Oh! The Evil Slut Clique! I loooooove you guys! I read your blog every day!" (This part isn't true, it was part of the dream... but I'm sure he really does love us and read our blog every day.)

So he's going on and on about how much he loves us and I tell him that we love him too, especially Jezebel, who writes about him all the time. Jezebel is no longer in the dream at this point. She just vanished. My subconscious totally Weir-blocked her. But since I'm such a good friend, I made sure to let him know that she was the primary source of all the Johnny Love on our blog recently and that it was because of her that I really started to get into being obsessed about him too. And he says, "Aw, you guys are the best. And I looooove the blog you just wrote about Lady Gaga!" which is funny, because we hadn't even written a blog about Lady Gaga yet... but apparently Jezebel is working on something Gaga-related that I had no idea about until... just now. (Coming very soon. The Gaga has landed.) I don't know how Dream Johnny Weir knew about it before me, but apparently the three of us have some psychic connection to each other.

Anyway, back to the dream - Johnny and I decide that we're going to be BFFs and he hugs me and I'm all "Johnny Weir is my new BFF and he loves us and he's in the Evil Slut Clique" and then I woke up and I was so disappointed that it wasn't real. But I'm convinced that if we did meet Johnny Weir he would totally love us so I'm going to consider this dream to be a psychic premonition, now that I know that we have this unspoken telepathic connection.

Johnny can you hear me? It's your BFF calling! Save me a seat on the carpet at your next show!

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