Then we made the mistake of actually reading what they had to say about Justin and Selena...Ugh. Check out the caption they put on this photo:
Wow. Soooo much wrong with that. In only 6 lines or so they managed to hit on so many points that are just fucked up... First of all, we'll rephrase our original question: Why is Cosmo writing about Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez?
Selena Gomez, 18, was spotted kissing 16-year-old Justin Bieber. We imagined her inner monologue, and you picked the one that seemed about right.
33%: "Uh-oh. Is it illegal if we hook up?"
24%: "Ka-ching! Youngest. Sugar daddy. Ever."
22%: "With dance moves like that, he's got to be smooth."
21%: "Crap. I'm going to have to sneak him into 18+ clubs."
Next, why oh why are they writing about teenagers 'hooking up'? How fucking creepy is that, that grown women are writing about - and asking other grown women to read and think about - teenagers (one of whom is a minor) hooking up? And since the type of 'hooking up' that might be illegal at ages 18 and 16 is sexual intercourse, it goes one step creepier because Cosmo is speculating on the sex lives of teenagers.
Think about how inappropriate it would be if Maxim, or another male-equivalent-to-Cosmo magazine, was asking its adult male readers to 'imagine' whether or not a 16-year-old female starlet was having sex with her slightly older boyfriend. Gross. (If Maxim is doing this, please don't let us know, as we'd like to remain blissfully ignorant.)
And... it's a minor point, but Gomez apparently wears a purity ring and has vowed to remain abstinent until marriage... so she's probably not too concerned about the 'legality' of their relationship anyway.
Then we get to the second 'option':
Ka-ching! Youngest. Sugar daddy. Ever.Um... what? Again, it's a tad creepy and inappropriate to even jokingly refer to him as such, because the term 'sugar daddy' is often used in terms of someone wealthy offering money or gifts to a less wealthy companion in exchange for sexual favors. So... ew. Also, a sugar daddy is typically someone older who takes care of someone younger... they've already established that Gomez is older than Bieber. Sorry, you can't make her a cougar-in-training and him a sugar daddy in the same stupid article.
But then there's still more wrong about that one... Yes, we know Justin Bieber is quite possibly the richest 16-year-old guy out there right now, but that doesn't necessarily mean he's a sugar daddy. To even joke about the fact that because Bieber is rich then Gomez must be some kind of gold digger, is just really offensive. Bieber may earn somewhat more than Gomez does, but she's not exactly hurting for money. She's extremely successful for her age and is reportedly worth millions. She allegedly makes $30,000 per episode of Wizards of Waverly Place on the Disney Channel, has a pop music career and has starred in a handful of films, including Ramona and Beezus.
Yes, we know it's hard to imagine that anyone would want to date Justin Bieber for legitimate reasons, but sorry Biebs, she doesn't need your money and it's pretty sexist to joke that she does.
With dance moves like that, he's got to be smooth.This one isn't offensive so much as it's just... stupid. Now maybe I'm in the minority here, but I don't think his dance moves are all that great... but let's just suspend our disbelief and pretend that they are. If they're already dating... then doesn't she already know whether he's smooth or not... without having to figure it out based on his dance moves? (We know Cosmo loves to 'decode' things about men based on unrelated stuff - but sorry, his dance moves prove nothing.) Also, what exactly do they even mean by 'smooth'? Anyone who read that Rolling Stone interview knows that he's clearly not a smooth talker. Hopefully this isn't another thinly veiled sexual reference about a 16-year-old boy Cosmo!
Crap. I'm going to have to sneak him into 18+ clubs.The idea that Justin Bieber has to 'sneak' in anywhere is ludicrous. So is the idea that a guy who hangs out with celebrities like Usher and Will Smith would even want to go to some loser 18-and-over club anyway.
Cosmo, stick to what you know - slut-shaming and shilling for makeup companies - and stop trying to prove that you're still 'hip' to what the 'kids today' are into by writing ridiculous stories about teen celebs.
And we almost forgot the worst offense of all - they forced us to write about Justin Bieber again! Damn you, Cosmo.