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March 1, 2011

Britney vs. Demi vs. Lindsay: Only One Can Survive!

Don't think that we only had one thing to say about the April 2011 issue of Cosmopolitan... We have a feeling this is might be a pretty Cosmo-heavy month for the blog based on all the garbage we pulled out of this one issue. (Don't get us wrong, there's actually some good stuff this month too. Er.. well, good-for-Cosmo that is. We promise we'll mention that too!)

But anyway... on the same page as the lovely Selena Gomez/Justin Bieber piece that we tore apart yesterday, we also found this little tidbit:

Who are you rooting for?

These ├╝bercriticized celebs are trying to make a comeback. According to our poll, you're behind...

50%: Britney
Britney Spears - She may be "country," but her latest single is really catchy.

34%: Demi
Demi Lovato - Growing up in the spotlight is a bitch. Team Demi!

16%: LiLo
Lindsay Lohan - Messy life aside, she's a talented actress.

Hm. I don't know Cosmo... don't you think it's just a little bit tasteless to turn the personal issues of three troubled young women into a cutesy little game? 50% of readers want Britney Spears to make it! And the rest... what? ...hope she gets committed?

And why do we have to pick just one? Are we not allowed to root for more than one woman at a time? If I root for 'Team Demi' am I basically telling Lindsay to go fuck herself? In Cosmo World, women are always being pitted against one another, but what if we want all three of these young women to reemerge stronger and healthier and happier?

And in typical Cosmo fashion, they're trying to mask bitchy gossip about celebrities as 'rooting for' them...

Britney is "country" (code: white trash). Lindsay Lohan has a "messy life" (code: jail time). And although they don't directly dis Demi Lovato, it's worth mentioning she doesn't even get a "but" or an "aside"... apparently Cosmo doesn't think Demi is a talented actress or that her singles are catchy. All three of these women have grown up in the spotlight... and yes, it is a bitch. But let's not ignore Cosmo's role in the so-called "├╝bercriticism" that stars like them put up with every day. The writers and editors at Cosmo criticize female celebrities like it's their job (oh wait, it is their job)... so why are they suddenly 'rooting for' these three? They're not.

And the suggestion that Britney needs a 'comeback' is condescending on its own...

Britney's personal life may have had a lot of ups and downs in the past few years, but professionally she's still going strong. Circus sold 4 million copies worldwide (one of the fastest-selling albums of 2008) and its related tour grossed $131.8 million (fifth highest grossing tour of the year). Her episodes of How I Met Your Mother and Glee brought in the highest ratings for both shows.

Hold It Against Me
Her newest single Hold It Against Me isn't just "catchy". It debuted at number one on the Billboard Hot 100 (making her the second artist in history to have two songs - the other being ...Baby One More Time - debut at number one on the chart). It is also Spears' fourth number-one single in the U.S. According to the Guinness Book of World Records, she's also the youngest female artist to have five albums debut at number one.

Demi Lovato hardly needs a comeback just yet either. At only 18, the girl is worth millions. She's the star of a hit Disney show Sonny With a Chance and the premiere of her most recent film for Disney (Camp Rock 2: The Final Jam) gained the channel 8 million viewers. Her last album, Here We Go Again, got her three Teen Choice Awards nominations in 2010 and her South American tour grossed $1,007,590. She also won a 2010 People's Choice Award for Favorite TV Guest Star for her appearance on Grey's Anatomy.

What To Do
Yes, it's true that she had to drop out of the Jonas Brothers Live in Concert Tour a few weeks early in order to enter a treatment facility for "physical and emotional issues" but it hasn't exactly hurt her career just yet. Her third album is expected this Spring and Disney even reworked Sonny with a Chance in order to accommodate her treatment schedule, publicly announcing that they "support Demi's decision to put her health first".

She's definitely been the topic of a lot of gossip and trash talk lately (between rumors of self-mutilation, unconfirmed drug use, and the least scandalous photo 'scandal' ever) and she's definitely had some issues to work out regarding her mental and physical health, but to say she's in need of a "comeback" is a huge exaggeration.

Machete - Movie Poster (Lindsay Lohan as The Sister) (Size: 24" x 36")And then there's LiLo...now maybe she does need a comeback of sorts. But the real reason Lindsay Lohan's career has been 'hurting' a little bit lately has little to do with the fact that that people are 'criticizing' her. Over the past few years she's been in and out of rehab, in and out of court, and even in and out of jail... which has caused her to lose some film offers. (She last appeared in Machete and Underground Comedy 2010 and was cast as Linda Lovelace in Inferno but later replaced with Malin Akerman.)

Sure, Lindsay Lohan has some problems right now ... so maybe she doesn't need bitchy Cosmo editors taking bets on whether or not she's going to beat Britney and Demi in the race-to-persevere. And only 16% of women are 'rooting' for her to get her life back together? Lovely.

The simple fact is that while sometimes it's hard to resist gossiping about a recent 'scandal'... it's really about the work. If the song is good, we'll listen to it; if the movie or TV show is good, we'll watch it. We at Evil Slutopia may not always have the nicest things to say about some of today's celebrities (of course, it's usually for completely different reasons), but we're definitely not hoping for any of them to have to deal with some of the recent issues that Britney, Demi and Lindsay have had to deal with.

We wish these three women the best... and we wish that instead of using their troubles as catty magazine fodder, Cosmo would actually be rooting for them... for all of them.

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