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April 29, 2011

Cosmo Continues Their Investigative Reporting on Girls Kissing

Every issue of Cosmo is full of insightful tips that help us to think about life and relationships in a new way. For example, from the April issue we've learned that when you kiss another woman, the most important thing to consider is...what a man might think.
How He'd React If You Kissed A Girl

The results of our online poll aren't exactly shocking, but it's always good to know what you can get away with!

71% of men said that it'd be hot and they'd want to join in.

29% said that it'd be a deal breaker.

Cosmo stays topical and current by referencing Black Swan rather than Katy Perry.

One of the things that has always impressed us about Cosmo is their ability to pack so much wrong into such small spaces. Let's count the ways with this one. First, as I already mentioned, why should my primary concern with kissing another woman be what he thinks? Who is "he" anyway? My boyfriend? Is Cosmo really still living in this imaginary world where lesbian and bisexual women don't exist? And if I have a boyfriend, why am I kissing another woman? Is Cosmo really still pushing the idea that the only reason women kiss other women is to get attention from men? Is my girl-on-girl kiss a "deal breaker" for him because he didn't get to (or want to) join in, or because I cheated on him by kissing someone else? Do open relationships exist in Cosmoland? Why were these two stupid choices the only options in this very scientific poll? And are they serious with that "it's always good to know what you can get away with" nonsense?

So many questions. Unfortunately Cosmo doesn't have any good answers.

Congrats Kate & William

haha... just kidding... we couldn't care less about the 'Royal Wedding'... but in honor of the event, we'd like to shamelessly promote our line of beautiful, tasteful, elegant bridal lingerie (and other matching items)...

April 27, 2011

Prevent bullying by... missing the point?

Well here's a 'new' approach to preventing bullying...

Apparently, a male high school student who wore high heels to school was asked to remove them by the principal.

Pleaser Women's Seduce-420 Pump,Red Patent,9 MPleaser Women's Seduce-420 Pump,Red Patent,9 MPleaser Women's Seduce-420 Pump,Red Patent,9 M

We've seen this happen plenty of times... whenever a student dares to push boundaries or refuses to conform to gender stereotypes.
  • Back in 1999, a male high school student in Virginia was forced to go home and change after wearing a skirt to school. The administration claimed that it was a distraction.
  • In October 2009, a 16-year-old student in Georgia was kicked out of school for dressing too much like a girl (because it was consdiered "disruptive" clothing), despite claims that he had cleared his style of dress with the school authorities when he first moved to Georgia from Miami.
  • In November 2009, a 17-year-old student in Houston was sent home from school for wearing high heels and a wig. He said that he had gradually become a cross-dresser at school over two years, but that was the first time he had worn a wig. School officials claimed his look was "over the top" and "too disruptive", however other students claim he looked "like any other female there" so it wasn't a distraction.  
  • In 2009, a 17-year-old lesbian student in Mississippi was told she could not wear a tuxedo in her yearbook photo because she was female. The ACLU fought on her behalf, but the school chose not only to not include the photo in the book but the yearbook excluded her completely and didn't even mention her name.
  • In February 2010, a male high school student in Mississippi was sent home from school for dressing like a girl. He said that he didn't have any 'boys clothes'; a group of girls later dressed as boys to protest.
  • Earlier this month, an 18-year-old female student in Illinois won the right to wear a tuxedo to her prom, with the help of the ACLU, after school officials had previously told her that girls must wear dresses.
But there's something a little bit different about this incident. Riverview High School Principal Bob Heilmann said that he requested that the male student remove his high heels out of concern for the student's safety.

"Part of bullying is to try to prevent it, whether people make fun of what you are wearing, or your hair. If I can prevent that, I will prevent that," said Heilmann.
So... if someone is being bullied for being different... the best way to stop it is to force the student to stop being so damn different? Talk about victim-blaming at its finest.

We're glad that Heilmann is concerned about his students' safety, but forcing them to conform will not prevent bullying. All it does is reinforce the sentiments that are responsible for this type of bullying in the first place: that it's wrong to be different. And more specifically, that it's wrong to be gender non-conforming. (Which, in turn, supports the message that it's wrong to be gay.)

Rather than policing the behavior of the victims, a better approach to bullying prevention would be to address the behavior of... the bullies themselves. It doesn't matter how much the school district tries to control the students' wardrobe choices; bullies will find something different about them to torment them for... unless they are taught the lesson that it's okay to be different.
The article also quotes psychologist Susan Swearer, who was recently asked by the Obama administration to share her expertise on bullying at a conference at the White House:

"We know that kids are bullied because they're different; but what's different in one community may not be different in another community..."   [...]
"If an administrator feels that a student is drawing unnecessary attention to himself or herself, the thing to do would be to talk to the parents and say that 'I'm concerned that because of their dress, they could draw attention to themselves.'" [...]
She says the question we should be focusing on is, "How do we raise kids who don't fall prey to bullying?" [emphasis ours]
Did anyone else catch the blatant victim blaming here - done by a psychologist, a highly respected psychologist? How does one raise kids who don't fall prey to bullying? Oh that's easy - you just force your kids to conform, to repress their creativity and self-expression, to hide their sexuality or gender identity, to disguise their true selves. Why can't children and teens draw attention to themselves? Must we mold our kids to be invisible faces in the herd in order to be safe? 

I think the real question we should be focusing on is not how to raise kids who don't fall prey to bullying, but rather how to raise kids who will respect the differences of others. It wouldn't matter what is or isn't 'different' in one community... if we could raise our kids to tolerate - no, appreciate - each other's differences. We need to teach children (and adults) not to hate. And the school districts need to send the message that bullying will not be tolerated. And then everyone can wear whatever the hell they want.

April 26, 2011

"I Kept A Secret Sex Blog"

At the beginning of the month we attended MOMENTUM, a conference on sexuality, feminism, relationships and social media. At the conference, one of the sessions we attended was on the pros and cons of anonymity with sex/dating bloggers on 'both sides of the coin'. Although we are not technically a sex blog (making fun of Cosmo's sex tips doesn't completely count) we are still currently semi-anonymous and we found the discussion in the conference to be very interesting.

As always, when we travel, we had purchased a copy of Cosmopolitan to read during the trip. The same day that we attended the session with anonymous sex bloggers, we flipped open to an article in the 'Naughtiest Thing I've Ever Done' section (eyeroll) entitled 'I Kept A Secret Sex Blog'. Ah, synchronicity. However, we were kind of annoyed by a lot of the content in that article. (Maybe the author, Cari Wira, should have attended MOMENTUM.)
When my boss asked me to blog anonymously about my sex life for the Website of the magazine where I worked, I jumped at the chance. Not only was I psyched to branch out from my editing duties, but I imagined myself as a next-generation, just-married Carrie Bradshaw. And maybe, if I was super racy and held nothing back, I could even get a book and a movie deal!

Immediately, I began brainstorming topics and drafting entries about my bikini-wax preferences and how I fantasized about christening every corner of the house we'd just purchased. But in my enthusiasm, there was one person I kept totally out of the loop: David, my sweet, shy husband.

Deep down, I knew he wouldn't be thrilled about the blog. For one thing, he's old-fashioned - he can't even watch reality TV without wondering why anyone would agree to share TMI with the world. But I told myself what he didn't know couldn't hurt him and eagerly posted my first entry about an a.m. shower encounter.
We can already tell this is going to be great article! The author may have seen herself as a new generation Carrie Bradshaw, but on Sex and the City, Carrie wasn't anonymous. She put herself out there and anyone who was in her life knew it. If they weren't okay with dating a sex columnist, they didn't have to date her.

But what Wira did was betray her husband's trust and invade his privacy. She lied to him and kept secrets from him and she didn't respect his wishes or feelings.
Maybe it was because of my honesty, but the blog was becoming more popular...and my boss wanted me to get even wilder. So the cute guy I spoke to briefly at a bachelorette party became a full-on flirtation, complete with dirty dancing. My normal weekend turned into a sex marathon where we'd gotten out of bed only for the food-delivery guy. And even as the entries became more explicit, I didn't feel the tiniest bit guilty. I enjoyed creating a more exciting life than the one I was living, and I kind of forgot that strangers were reading about my sex life...until David happened to find the blog when he was browsing the site and recognized details from our marriage. Furious, he called me at my office.
"I can't believe you've been writing all this for the whole world to see!" he shouted. I tried to defend myself by telling him I was just doing my job and had enhanced details only for the sake of a story, but I caved quickly. What could I say? I'd been verbally cheating on him with more than one million devoted readers.
This part is so contradictory... did everyone else catch the ass-backwardsness of it? She believed the blog was becoming more popular because of her "honesty" so she decided to increase its popularity by... being less honest... by exaggerating and lying. So now she was not only lying to her husband about it, but she was lying to her readers as well. And doing both completely guilt-free. She forgot that strangers were reading about her sex life, because they weren't reading about her sex life... they were reading near-fiction.

But somehow she managed to keep in enough actual, factual details that she was still recognizable to her husband. That is where the problem was - when you're anonymous you're supposed to use your anonymity to protect your identity but she apparently was being too honest about identifiable details. However, she wasn't being honest about the actual content of the blog - you know, the sex - so what exactly was the point? I could easily write an anonymous fictional sex blog if I wanted to... but if I was going to do that, I'd A) make it fictional enough that people didn't know it was me and B) admit that it was fiction.
I told my boss I had to give up the blog that day, and she thankfully agreed to remove all my previous posts. After a ton of apologies, where I admitted that I'd betrayed his trust, David forgave me. And while nothing positive came from the experience (I never got a book deal!), I learned that if I want to keep the peace in my marriage, I can't keep secrets from my husband. More importantly, I don't dish about anything I wouldn't be comfortable having David reading or hearing...including this.
This part also sounds like fiction to me... her boss agreed to not only let her quit the blog but remove all the previous posts? If the blog was actually as popular as she claimed it was ("one million devoted readers"?) there's no way an employer would give it up so easily. And I'm not a copyright lawyer or anything, but any published writer knows that there are always some kind of contracts or releases signed that would protect both parties... Most likely the employer would've had the right to use that blog content long after the author decided to give it up.

I'm glad that the author finally admitted that she was wrong to lie to her husband and betray his trust, but the tone of the article still feels a little off. It seems as though the real lesson the author learned was that she was wrong to write a sex blog instead of that she was wrong to lie about writing a sex blog (and lie in the sex blog).

There's nothing inherently wrong with writing a sex blog - anonymously or not; the author was - and still is - entitled to do so if she wanted. What was wrong was the dishonesty and the fact that she did not protect the privacy of herself and her husband. If you're going to make the decision to be anonymous, you have to actually maintain that anonyminity. Protect yourself! Don't reveal information that will give away your identity. If she had done that (and had been honest with her husband in the first place) then maybe he wouldn't have had as big an issue with the blog at all.

If the post was so easily recognizable to her husband (even though it was partly fiction!) it is possible that it was recognizable to others as well. That is the problem. I mean, he said it himself "you've been writing all this for the whole world to see"... but if the whole world doesn't know it's you, then it's not that big of a deal. If she had gone to him and explained this beforehand and they had - together - come up with a few agreements of what information was or was not okay to share, maybe he would have understood.

But no, lying and then fucking over your boss... much better plan!

April 24, 2011

Celebrity Domestic Violence

A while back, when Chris Brown had his little tantrum about people "bringing this past shit up" (sorry, but it hasn't been that long...) he did make one interesting point on Twitter about how "we praise Charlie sheen and other celebs for there bullshit" [sic].

We are probably the last people who you'd think would ever defend Chris Brown (and we're still not going to!) but he does have a point. Why does Charlie Sheen get a pass when Brown does not? To be clear, we don't think either of them deserve a pass - and in some ways Brown is getting more of a pass than he necessarily deserves - but it's obvious that Sheen is getting away with a long history of domestic violence and has been for some time.

We have seen a lot of different arguments and theories as to why this is... Is it because Sheen is white and Brown is black? Is it because Sheen is arguably more famous (and has been famous for far longer)? Is it because Sheen is an actor and Brown is a hip hop artist? Is it because Sheen has had a 'bad boy' image for a long time, while Brown originally started out with a more squeaky clean image? Is it because Brown beat up a famous and well-loved celebrity while Sheen has abused more 'disposable women' like adult actresses?

It's probably a combination of reasons... but the fact that society given Sheen a pass so many times is a real problem. It's so bad that it has gotten to the point that a lot of people did not even realize what a long, ugly history of violence against women he has had. So this got us thinking... there are a lot of other male celebrities that have histories of domestic abuse or dating abuse... but a lot of people are either ignorant to this or have conveniently 'forgotten' about it.

So here's a little refresher. Obviously this is not even close to a comprehensive list... but it's a start. (We haven't included pro-athletes because the list would just be too long. Maybe we will do an all athlete list in the future.) We invite everyone to comment and add any other names to this list. We also invite you to correct or clarify any information that we have possibly made errors on.

Disclaimer: We're not saying that all of these men and their crimes are necessarily equal and we're not even saying that none of them deserve our 'forgiveness'. We do accept that sometimes there are extenuating circumstances that cause people to act like... well... assholes, such as drug or alcohol abuse or certain psychological issues. (We're NOT saying this is an excuse... but we do have to recognize that sometimes people do get clean, get rehabilitated, get help, and yes... change their ways.) We know that's not usually the case (and like we said, it's not necessarily cause for a pass) but we want to at least acknowledge that there's a difference between a habitual abuser like Sheen and someone who truly has learned from his mistakes, tried to get help and bettered himself. Also, some of the cases listed below are allegations that hae never been proven.

Charlie Sheen
  • In 1990, he shot his then-fiancee, Kelly Preston in the arm. It was deemed an "accident" but she broke off the engagement soon after.
  • In 1996, he plead no contest to a misdemeanor charge of battery with serious bodily injury after having abused his girlfriend Brittany Ashland.
  • In 2005, his wife Denise Richards filed for divorce accusing Sheen of alcohol and drug abuse and threats of violence.
  • In 2009, Sheen was charged with felony menacing and third-degree assault and criminal mischief after assauting his wife and threatening wife Brooke Mueller with a knife. (He pleaded guilty to misdemeanor assault as part of a plea bargain that included dismissal of the other charges against him. He was sentenced to 30 days in a drug rehab center, 30 days of probation and 36 hours of anger management.) Mueller told police that he had been violent with her before.
  • In 2011, police removed his twin sons from his custody after ex-wife Mueller obtained a restraining order against Sheen, stating that she was "very concerned" that he is "currently insane."

Gary Oldman
  • During the early 1990s, he had well known problems with alcohol abuse. (The son of an abusive alcoholic, he called himself a recovering alcoholic in 2001.)
  • In 2001, former wife Donya Fiorentino claimed that he had a drug habit and abused her. He claimed that she had a drug problem. (The claims were investigated and he was awarded legal custody of their children. Fiorentino was granted short court-monitored visits.)
  • Today he does not drink alcohol at all and is married to singer Alexandra Edenborough. He credits Alcoholics Anonymous for his success in beating his addiction.

David Hasselhoff
  • In 2006 he filed for divorce from his wife of 16-years, actress Pamela Bach, citing "irreconcilable differences". She later accused him of emotional and physicl abuse, which he denied, and he accused her of being a crazy stalker.
  • In 2007, he was awarded primary physical custody and full legal custody of their two daughters.

Mel Gibson
  • In 2010, Mel Gibson's girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva alleged that Gibson had abused her and filed a domestic violence-related restraining order against him. 
  • A domestic violence investigation was launched against Gibson by the L.A. County Sheriff's Department and he later plead no contest to misdemeanor battery charge. He was sentenced to three years probation, 16 hours of comunity service, a yearlong domestic violence counseling program, and was ordered him to stay away from Grigorieva.
Nicolas Cage

  • This month Nicolas Cage was arrested in New Orleans on charges of domestic abuse battery and disturbing the peace, after a drunken fight with his wife durin which he allegedly pushed her, punched a few cars and "dared police to arrest him".
  • Earlier this year, he was caught on tape getting in a violent fight at a Romanian night club and allegedly got into a drunken verbal brawl in New Orleans during Mardi Gras.
  • In 2009 he was sued by his ex-girlfriend Christina Fulton (mother of his oldest child) for fraud and breach of contract. She also claimed that he inflicted mental, physical and emotional abuse on her.  

Vanilla Ice

  • In 2001, Vanilla Ice (Robert Van Winkle) was arrested for assaulting his wife, Laura Giarritta. According to the criminal complaint, they argued as he drove on the Interstate and he pulled hair from her head to prevent her from jumping out of the truck's window. Four months later, he plead guilty to charges of disorderly conduct and was sentened to probation and ordered to attend famiy therapy sessions.
  • In 2008, he was arrested on a battery charge for allegedly kicking and hitting his wife. (He was released the next day after she declared that he had only pushed her.) He was ordered to stay away from his wife (he could only contact her by phone) and to communicate with his children only under supervision. He was later able to get the case dropped.

Christian Slater
  • In 1989, Christian Slater was sentenced to 10 days in prison after being charged with drunk driving and assault. In 1994, he was arrested when he tried to board a plane with a gun in his luggage and was sentenced to community service.
  • In 1997 he was convicted of assaulting his girlfriend, Michelle Jonas, and a police officer while under the influence of drugs and alcohol. He spent over 100 days in a rehab facility and then was sentenced to 3 months in jail and 3 months in a residential rehab center.

Gary Busey

  • In 1999, actor Gary Busey was taken into custody for investigation of domestic violence after an agument with his wife escalated. He was booked for investigation of misdemeanor spousal battery. His wife, Tiana, said that he had grabbed her shoulders and wrestled her to the ground.
  • In 1997, a United Airlines flight attended accused Busey of having struck her after she bumped him, but criminal charges were not filed.

Terrence Howard
  • In 2001 Terrence Howard was arrested for simple assault, terrorist threats, harassment and stalking, in relation to a violent attack on his estranged wife, Michelle Ghent. According to police reports, he arrived at her house after a phone argument, forced entr by breaking in doors, chased her to the backyard, and punched her in the face twice. He plead guilty in 2002 to disturbing the peace.
  • After Chris Brown's 2009 arrest, Howard was quoted as saying "It's just life man. Chris is a great guy. He'll be all right, and Rihanna knows he loves her, you know? They'll be all right."

Bill Murray

  • In 2008, Bill Murray's wife Jennifer Butler, filed for divorce accusing him of domestic violence, infidelity, abandonment, and sex, drug and alcohol addiction. He is said to have hit her in the face and told her she was "lucky he didn't kill her".

Wesley Snipes/Christoper Williams
  • Halle Berry once told interviewers that an abusive ex-boyfriend had struck her so hard once that she lost most of her hearing in her right ear. Having dated Berry in the early 1990s many assumed that Williams was the unnamed ex-boyfriend.
  • Williams later came out to deny the allegations and claimed that it was in fact Wesley Snipes who "busted her eardrum". Berry has denied that Snipes ever hit her, but never verified whether it was in fact Williams either.

  • In 2000, rapper Eminem (Marshall Mathers) released a song about murdering his wife Kim. In the song, he shouts verbal abuse at Kim and slits her throat while screaming "Bleed, Bitch! Bleed!" After watching him perform the song live in Detroit (during which he abuses a mock-up doll of her on stage) Kim attempted suicide by slashing her wrists. She also sued him for defamation for depicting her violent death in the song.
  • In 2006, Eminem was investigated by police for domestic violence for poking his 13-year-old niece in the head with his finger and threatening to kill her while at his estranged wife, Kim's house. The police decided that his actions did not necessitate an arrest warrant for misdemeanor domestic violence and there was insufficient evidence to warrant criminal charges.
  • In 2008, Eminem told Esquire “I’m a T-shirt guy now. But wifebeaters won’t go out of style, not as long as bitches keep mouthing off.”
  • In 2010, Eminem and Rihanna collaborated on a song "Love the Way You Lie" about domestic abuse. Rihanna was quoted as saying that it was something they had both experienced "on different sides, different ends of the table."

Find information about how to escape domestic violence at ndvh.org or call toll-free: 800-799-SAFE (7233) or 800-787-3224 TTY.  Anonymous & Confidential Help 24/7

April 23, 2011

50 Ways to Seduce Him in Seconds

There is a limitless supply of entertainment in every issue of Cosmo magazine and the April 2011 issue is no exception... This month's mag has an article entitled "50 Ways to Seduce Him in Seconds" and well, it's hilarious. It contains so-called 'tips' that we're supposed to believe were submitted by Cosmo readers (I'm sorry, I just do not buy that) mixed in with advice from alleged experts.
We suggest you start at the beginning of our dirty, daring list and work your way through.
So we decided to start at the beginning of their 'dirty, daring' list and... mock it all the way through! Here are some of our 'favorite' ones...

1. "I had just bought this new perfume. I gave my guy a whiff, then challenged him to find the patch of my body where I had spritzed it." - Theresa, 20
Ah, what guy doesn't love to play 'find-the-smell'? (Nice to see that they started this list off right with one of the most ridiculous tips.)

19. Slip an X-rated doodle -- like a couple getting it on doggie-style -- into his coat pocket. To make your intentions crystal clear, title it "What I Can't Wait to Do Tonight." - Patricia Taylor, PhD
Who's to say that he'll even find this note before tonight? And let's just hope that no one else finds it first... what if it falls out in front of his boss? Or his... niece? The success of this move also really depends on your drawing ability... otherwise you'll end up confusing the hell out of him.
25. "My boyfriend and I were waiting in this crazy-long line at the DMV. To kill time, we started playing hangman. The phrase I had in mind was 'I'm horny.' When he finally figured it out, we got the hell out of there." - Jenna, 28
So you spent all that time waiting on line at the DMV and then you just left? So now you need to take a second trip to the DMV another time. Yeah, way to fucking ruin two days!
30. "I asked my husband to grab something out of my purse, knowing he would find the dirty book -- and the especially hot scene that I'd dog-eared -- stashed in there." - Megan, 30
So with this tip you're basically betting on the fact that your man will invade your privacy by going through your purse, finding the book, opening it up, going to the dog-eared page, and reading the hot scene all while you're supposedly waiting for him to grab something out of your purse for you. (And then you're also supposed to assume that after he's invaded your privacy, he's going to tell you about it?)
33 "My friends and I signed up for a pole-dancing class. I told my boyfriend I was just going out for drinks with the girls, and when I came home, I revealed where I had really been and showed him the sexy routine they'd taught us." - Zoe, 27
How did you show him the pole-dancing routine? Did you already have a stripper pole in your apartment or did you have one installed when you got home?
35. "The guy I was dating was writing a mid-term paper. When he got up from his laptop, I inserted the words Let's bleep. He met me in the bedroom ASAP." - Kate, 21
And so what happens if he doesn't notice that and hands it in with that naughty message? Think he'll get an A!? (Guess it depends on the teacher...) Wait... did she really type 'let's bleep' or a real word?
41. Label areas of the house where you two have never gotten busy with creative titles like The Doggie-Style Den or The Oral Corner. Tell him the goal for the night is to move from station to station until the whole place is christened. - Patricia Taylor, PhD
We think you should just leave those labels up indefinitely. Every home or office should have an Oral Corner. In fact, someday when we have our awesome ESC office, we're considering putting up random signs all over as a decorating idea... The Kama Sutra Kitchenette... The Liberal Library... The Cocky Conference Room... The 'Do-Me-On-The' Desk... The 'Nobody-Puts-Baby-In-The' Corner... The uh... the uh... Sexy Fax Machine? Yeah, I don't know. We'll think about it. (We are happily accepting suggestions.)
45. Stare longingly at his package for a few seconds. - Patricia Taylor, PhD
I honestly just stared longingly at this tip for a few seconds and then laughed my ass off. I just keep picturing the 'longing stare'....

Stare longingly at his package...

We realized that most of these 'tips' are actually the same concept repeated in a slightly different way. So to make things a little simpler, we've categorized some of them for your convenience.

Of course, the ultimate way to 'seduce him in seconds'... is to get naked! Yep, just take off your clothes. In case you weren't sure what kind of clothes you can take off to seduce a man, Cosmo gave us a helpful list.
  • You can take off evening wear...
13. "I asked a guy to unzip me out of this little black dress. When he did, I let it drop to the ground to reveal I was wearing absolutely nothing underneath." - Jackie, 23
  • You can take off pajamas...
16. If you get up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, strip off all your clothes before sliding back into bed. There's a good chance that you'll wake up to him pawing at you. - Gloria Brame, PhD
  • You can take off your yoga pants...
39. "I usually start off my day with five or ten minutes of yoga. Sometimes, I do it naked, so my guy wakes up to find me in some compromising positions." - Lindsey, 23
  • You can take off your bra...
6. "Wearing a tight tank and no bra, I jumped on the bed in front of my guy." - Ariel, 24
  • You can take off your underwear...
49. Orchestrate your own private peep show: Ask your guy to come around to your side of the car to help you out. When he does, have your dress or skirt hiked way up so that when you step out, he sees that you are most definitely going commando for the evening. - Patricia Taylor, PhD
(This is only a 'private' peep show, if you're in a secluded parking lot or something. Just make sure you don't try to pull this one with the valet.)
  • You can take off your work clothes...
26. Strip off our work clothes, but leave on your high heels as you walk around the room, tidying up, taking off your jewelry, making him drool, etc. - Patricia Taylor, PhD
  • And you can take off your workout clothes...
34. After a workout, come home and peel off your clothes in front of him. - Ava Cadell, PhD
Um, after a workout I just want to shower... I don't want to get naked and seduce my man with my sexy, sweaty, smelly self. This is the second tip that suggested post-gym seduction without a shower first:
22. When you come back from the gym, walk right up to him and say, "The whole time I was on the treadmill, all I was thinking about was how much I wanted to go down on you." - Ava Cadell, PhD
Noooooo. Shower first! Cosmo does recommend showering, but only as its own seduction tool, as sort of a continuation of the 'Get Naked' theme... Get Naked in the Shower...
2. Ask him to bring you a towel after your shower, so he can see you naked, dripping, and flushed. - Gloria Brame, PhD
And then stand there shivering, creating a puddle on the floor, as you wait for him to bring you a towel. I suppose in this scenario Cosmo also wants you to empty out the bathroom of all the towels before getting in the shower, so you can legitimately ask him to bring you one without him saying "uh, isn't there one hanging right there on the towel rack?" Of course, then he will probably be annoyed, mumbling about how dumb you are that you jumped in the shower without noticing that you had no towel beforehand.
23. "I switched out our usual opaque shower curtain for a clear one. My guy walked in to find me soaping up my boobs and grinning at him. He hopped right in." - Leslie, 25
But then, just to confuse the fuck out of any men who are reading the magazine they also included a little sidebar of tips for men who might try the whole seduction thing. (We don't know why men would be reading this... maybe their girlfriends were following one of Cosmo's older tips and are forcing them to read it?)
* If the bathroom door is closed, it's for a reason. Even if the water is running, puh-lease do not surprise us in the shower.
Wait... what? They just told us to try to seduce our men by soaping up our boobs behind a clear shower curtain. Now they're telling him to stay the hell out of the bathroom while we're in the shower?

Stay out of the shower!!

Other Stuff To Do With Clothes (besides taking them off):
  • Get them all wet...
17. "I got caught in a rainstorm on my way home. A block before my place, I took off my coat so my white tee would be soaked. My boyfriend was very happy to see me." - Beth, 25
Your boyfriend was very happy to see you... and probably so were all your neighbors and everyone else you passed on the way. And we bet you felt totally sexy as you were shivering on your way into the house.
  • Wash them...
28. Hand-wash your tiniest lingerie, and hang it up around your house to dry...and drive him wild with lust. - Gloria Brame, PhD
(I'm sorry, I need to ask this... do most men really find lingerie sexy when there isn't a woman's body in them? I'm seriously asking.)
  • Wash other things in them....
43. "My fiance and I trade off cleaning duties every month. When it was my turn, I put on a slutty maid costume, walked in front of him, bent over, and started dusting." - Ashley, 28
This is actually an ingenious way to get out of cleaning duties for the day.
  • Jump up and down in them...
6. "Wearing a tight tank and no bra, I jumped on the bed in front of my guy." - Ariel, 24
  • Show them off...
9. "I live on the fifth floor of a building, and one night, I wore a short skirt and lacy underwear, and then I walked up the stairs ahead of my guy. He practically tackled me by the time we got to my apartment." - Marissa, 25
20. "My boyfriend goes crazy over this one thong I have. Occasionally, I'll wear low-riding pants and let it peek out." - Katie, 21
  • Move them around, seductively...
48. Pull your underwear aside, and tell him you want him inside you, like, yesterday. - Ava Cadell, PhD
  • Or just wear his clothes...
32. Slip into one of his oversize button-downs -- and nothing else -- before snuggling on the couch with him. Lie on your side with your head pointing away from him, so that when he looks over, he catches an up-shirt view of, well, everything. - Patricia Taylor, PhD
18. Take the sexy-girl-next-door fantasy to a whole new level by meeting him at the front door wearing nothing but a pair of pigtails and his favorite baseball hat. - Ava Cadell, PhD
Just make sure it's actually him at the door and not the FedEx guy. Or your local neighborhood girl scouts selling cookies. Or your mother-in-law.

Getting Sneaky With Sex Toys
3. "You know those treats you used to find at the bottom of a cereal box? One morning, I hid the new finger vibrator I'd just gotten in my guy's cereal for him to discover." - Lisa, 23
I'm sorry... as much as I love getting free sex toys... I think I would be kind of creeped out to find one in my cereal box. And even though she mentions that it was new (and therefore, assumedly unused) does he necessarily realize that it's clean and new? Or did you just ruin his breakfast? Of course, this is assuming that he even finds it at all. Or that he doesn't ruin it by accidentally pouring milk over it or throwing it in the trash or something. Or that he doesn't choke on it. Or that his little niece or nephew didn't find it. Or that he actually realizes that it's a vibrator at all.
29. Hide your tuned-on vibrator in his sock drawer. When he figures out where the buzzing is coming from, tell him he gets to experience its pleasure power. - Patricia Taylor, PhD
This is really just a test of what takes longer... A) for your man to actually go into his room, hear the buzzing, care enough to look for where it's coming from and actually find the vibrator... or...B) for the batteries in your vibe to run out. We're voting for B. (And we bet there are a lot of guys who wouldn't be totally psyched to find a vibrator in his sock drawer and 'experience its pleasure power'.
47. Walk up to him, slap a pair of handcuffs on his wrists, and tell him he's your sex slave for the night. - Gloria Brame, PhD
No. No no no no... We already went over this one when we wrote about Cosmo's Kinky Lite article. You can't just slap on a pair of handcuffs on him without first having a real discussion about it. This might be a good tip for any couple that has already had a conversation about their boundaries, etc. but if the Kinky Lite article's claims are correct... most of Cosmo's readers haven't gotten there yet.
42. "I came to bed holding a wooden spatula in my hand. When my guy asked what the hell I was doing, I told him that I had been a bad girl and needed a spanking. I thought his eyes were going to bulge out of his head." - Jen, 25
Yet again... you don't just say "I need a spanking". You have to have a conversation first about boundaries and stuff. And while we're sure that plenty of people would disagree with us on this one... we're sorry... Kitchen stuff is for the kitchen. Bedroom stuff is for the bedroom. Don't mix them up. (Both for your own personal hygiene and for the health and safety of anyone who ever eats food you cooked for them.) There are so many better products you can use the next time you've been a bad girl and need a spanking.

Don't use the wooden spatula.

Fun With Food

10. Make your evening snack a Popsicle, and tease and lick it right in front of him. - Ava Cadell, PhD
Popsicles are sexy because they're shaped like penises.
21. "One morning, I served my guy breakfast in bed, but I told him he could only eat it off my body." - Alyssa, 21
I know that nothing makes me feel sexier than having strips of bacon dripping grease all over my naked body.
24. Scoop an ice cube out of his drink, and drop it down your blouse...then lean back and tell him to find it. - Ava Cadell, PhD
It won't be hard to find... it'll be where that big wet spot on your blouse is forming.
50. "On my husband's birthday last year, I made him a cake and wrote 'Happy Birthday! Do anything you want to me tonight' in bright pink frosting." - Dale, 26
This tip is just screaming out to be a part of Cake Wrecks, no?

Fun With Phones
5. Send him a naughty, fill-in-the-blank e-mail: "Tonight, I promise to ____ your ____ as soon as you walk in the door. Then, I'll give you a ____ for ____ minutes...." You see where we're going with this right? - Gloria Brame, PhD
I guess there's nothing wrong with sending him a naughty text previewing the night ahead... but do you really want to make him fill in the blanks? What if you don't like his answers? Just to show how 'risky' this tip is, we played a few rounds of Sexting MadLibs...
"Tonight, I promise to murder your ex-girlfriend as soon as you walk in the door. Then, I'll give you a spanking for 700 minutes...."
"Tonight, I promise to sew your mouth as soon as you walk in the door. Then, I'll give you a walkman for 30 minutes...."
"Tonight, I promise to wash your laundry as soon as you walk in the door. Then, I'll give you a back rub for 1,000,000 minutes...."

"Tonight, I promise to shave your back as soon as you walk in the door. Then, I'll give you a colonoscopy for 20 minutes...."

"Tonight, I promise to strip for your buddies as soon as you walk in the door. Then, I'll give you a gang bang for 60 minutes...."
We think you're better off filling in the blanks yourself and letting him know exactly what you want to do to his ______.
8. When he's on his way home from work, start giving yourself some solo pleasure and "accidentally" dial him up. All those breathy ooohs and ahhhs will be motivation for him to get to you in time to join in on the action. - Ava Cadell, PhD
This one makes no sense to us... why would you pretend to 'accidentally' dial him up? If we got a call that was just breathy ooohs and ahhhs, we'd think it was a prank phone call... How do they know he would even actually listen and not just hang up when no one responds to his 'Hello?' And if he does actually stop and listen and he does think that you mistakenly 'dialed him up' while making sex noises, isn't he just going to assume that you're hooking up with someone else? Because who accidentally calls someone while masturbating? (Maybe if you were masturbating with the phone this would be a more likely scenario, but we prefer not to dwell on that.)

This isn't a terrible idea, but why not just call him and tell him what you're doing instead of pretending it's an 'accident' and making him try to figure it out.
11. Steal his phone, and quickly snap a pic of your cleavage or the inside of your thigh. When you see his jaw drop, you'll know he's stumbled upon it. - Patricia Taylor, PhD, author of Expanded Orgasm
Um... has anyone actually ever quickly snapped a pic of your cleavage or the inside of your thigh on a crappy camera phone? It doesn't really look like anything... especially not anything 'jaw-dropping'.
44. Send him a naughty sext when you're sitting right next to each other in a movie theater or when you're out to dinner with friends. - Ava Cadell, PhD
Yeah, just be totally rude to your friends or to the other people in the movie theater. Yeah, we don't care about that blue glow coming from your phone... it's important that you seduce your man right this second!

Speaking about being rude in public... Cosmo has a whole bunch of rude public displays of affection to try...

Rude PDAs
12. Reach under the table at dinner and lightly outline the shape of his package, looking him dead in the eye the whole time. - Ava Cadell, PhD
14. Out at a noisy, crowded bar? Motion for him to come close so you can tell him something. Instead, send chills down his spine by licking his ear and blowing warm breath on the same spot. - Ava Cadell, PhD

31. "Once, I snuck into the dressing room at a store with my guy, threw him up against the wall, and kissed him. We went home and had sex immediately." - Sarah, 29
Is there any place on Earth less sexy than a store dressing room? It's also funny that it's not something like 'we had a quickie in the dressing room' (also known as 'That Time I Got Banned From J.C. Penney'). No, she just gave him a very naughty....kiss in the dressing room and then they went and had sex at home like respectable people. Hmph.

36. While you're out running mundane errands together, graze your butt past his package discreetly but very purposefully. - Patricia Taylor, PhD
Something about 'discreetly but very purposefully' just makes me laugh. What exactly is the purpose of this purposefully movement? To seduce him... while out running errands? And will it still work if you don't get the discreet/purposeful ratio exactly right?

38. "Drop" your purse by his feet in the middle of a crowded store. When you stand up from retrieving it, run your fingers the whole way up his leg and over his crotch. - Patricia Taylor, PhD

40. Sit on his lap at a party. Then, subtly shift your weight back and forth over his package until he's good and riled up. No one will know but the two of you. - Gloria Brame, PhD
Until he stands up and he has a huge erection sticking out. What do you think happens when a guy's package gets 'good and riled up'? Trust us, someone besides the two of you will know, just like someone in the crowded store will see your little purse drop fondling routine and someone at the bar will see that whole ear licking move and be grossed out. Just don't do it.

Like we mentioned above, they included a little sidebar on how guys should not try to seduce us (it wouldn't be Cosmo without a sexist double standard)... Here are a few of the really extra infuriating ones...
We realize you really want to turn us on. But resort to this stuff? No.
* We can't explain it, but while it's hot for you to find us in the buff, it just doesn't work the other way around. Maybe it's the body hair?
Who says it doesn't work the other way around? Why isn't it hot to find your man in the buff? If you're attracted to your guy, then you probably don't mind the sight of him naked - even if he has, gasp, body hair - so what's with the big double standard?
* And the same goes for texting us naughty man pics.
Um, nope. Again, some women would be totally turned on by some naughty man pics. Cosmo is always warning women not to sext - and then giving them advice on what they should sext (sigh, contradictions) - but now men shouldn't do it just because they're men?
* Renting Vicky Cristina Barcelona to get us in the mood. Girl-on-girl scenes turn you on, not us.
Says who?! Plenty of women are turned on by girl-on-girl scenes, and it's just stupid to make a blanket statement suggesting otherwise. We're used to Cosmo ignoring the fact that gay and bisexual people exist... but even 'straight' girls sometimes think it's hot watch two girls getting it on. (In fact, Cosmo wrote a whole article about it back in July.)

Oh Cosmo.

April 22, 2011

A Green Guide to Sex

DominaDoll of PopMyCherryReview.com has declared April to be 'Green Sex Toy Month'. The goal of the campaign is to build awareness about body-safe and environmentally friendly adult products. She's giving away 1 "green" sex toy or adult sexuality product, EVERY DAY this month so check out her site for more info.

(Also, this month Babeland is raising money for Grist, the non-profit environmental news site. They will be donating 10% of all eco-toy sales in April.)

So today, in honor of Earth Day, we're going to go over some ways you can have more eco-friendly sex!

The big issue with sex toys is what they're made of and the damage certain materials can do to the environment and your health. Pliable "jelly" toys are made from PVC plastics and contain phthalates, which are a family of chemicals used to soften plastics and have been potentially linked to hormonal disruption, damage to the reproductive system and even cancer.
So soft jelly rubber dildos might not be your safest choice. (Those of you who already own sex toys that have phthalates in them... if you still don't want to part with them, it's recommended that you use a condom with them at all times).

Here are a few options of sex toys made from phthalate-free materials you might want to choose instead:
  • Silicone
It feels a lot like other less-safe rubbers, but with less of the icky side effects. Silicone toys are non-porous, hypoallergenic and don't off-gas, yet can still usually be safely disinfected by boiling or using the dishwasher. (Please check the labels on specific toys first!) Silicone also warms to the body and retains heat, but you cannot use silicone lubes with silicone toys, as it can melt the silicone toy.

One of the bad things about silicone is that it isn't biodegradable, but it is recyclable... Check out SexToyRecycling.com for more information. You can also trade in your old "rabbit" - and get a new one at half-price - through Love Honey's Rabbit Amnesty program.

  • Elastomer
Phhthalate-free and latex-free, Elastomer is hypoallergenic, tasteless, odorless... and extremely durable. However some forms of elastomer are slightly porous and therefore cannot be disinfected.

  • Glass
Medical-grade and laboratory-quality Pyrex glass is safe to use without fear of breaking or shattering. (If you do notice a crack in your glass toy, stop using it!) Glass toys can be boiled safely for disinfection and are both eco-friendly and body-safe.

  • Metal
Stainless steel toys are body-safe and extremely durable. They are easily more durable and eco-friendly than any kind of plastic toy.

  • Wood
Safe, non-toxic wooden toys - made from sustainably harvested or salvaged/recycled wood that only comes from renewable sources (i.e., no rainforest wood) - are very durable and greener than using plastic. Coated with food-grade or surgical-grade varnishes.

  • Other "Natural" Materials
You can also make your own "green" sex toys using typical household products. Check out homemade-sex-toys.com for some interesting suggestions.


Let's not forget what keeps those vibrators running! However normal batteries can come with potential hazards and problems. They contain heavy metals such as mercury, lead, cadmium and nickel which can contaminate the environment when batteries are improperly disposed of.
  • Electric Vibrators
Electrically-powered vibrators are energy efficient and keep disposable batteries out of landfills! (Be sure to unplug toys when you're not using them to conserve energy.)

  • Rechargeable Vibrators
Save money and keep batteries out of landfills with a rechargeable vibrator... without the hassle of a cord. They have the powerful vibrations of traditional electric vibrators but are completely cord-free.

  • Solar-powered Vibrators
For the ultimate in energy conservation, solar-powered vibrators are charged by exposure to sunshine.

Lubricants and Lotions

Materials that you should avoid when shopping for lubes, massage oils and apparel are petroleum and petroleum-derivatives. Chemical preservatives, like parabens, have been linked to some cancers and other health issues.

Lubricants like Babelube Natural and Sliquid Organics are free from chemical preservatives and are less likely to irritate sensitive skin. There are also natural Lickable Body Oils and Massage Candles. Many of these products are also Vegan and/or Cruelty-Free.

Certain natural ingredients have been known to have positive benefits, such as green tea which can be an anti-inflammatory, aloe which is moisturizing and soothing, and carrageenan, which has been linked to preventing HPV transmission.


We bet you didn't realize that there was such a thing as vegan condoms (or maybe you thought all latex condoms were vegan?) Lambskin condoms obviously contain animal-derived ingredients, but did you know that even latex condoms sometimes use animal-derived ingredients in the manufacturing process (e.g., milk or milk derivatives)? Other condom companies test their products on animals. Some "vegan-friendly" and "cruelty-free" condoms include Glyde condoms and Europe's Condomi.

It's not completely clear yet whether latex condoms are fully biodegradable. Polyurethane condoms are not. Lambskin condoms are, but are only effective against pregnancy, not STDs (and obviously are not animal-free.)

Bedding and Apparel

Bamboo bed sheets are a great eco-friendly bedding option. They're super soft and silky and come from a rapidly renewable resource. (They're also great for people with allergies or other sensitivities.)
  • Eco-lingerie
You don't have to sacrifice any sexiness if you want to add a little green to your lingerie drawer. There are plenty of options if you're looking for eco-friendly fabrics and clothing manufacturers. They can be pricey but there are options in almost every price range. Go Green Street has a list of suggestions, from Stella McCartney to the Etsy-based Clare Bare. And Ecouterre did a gift guide for Valentine's Day featuring 14 Sexy Sustainable Undies To Set Hearts (And Sheets) Afire. (Don't worry, there's one for men too.) Even searching Amazon turns up some options, so shop around until you find something that works for you.

For more information on safe sex toy-shopping, check out the Coalition Against Toxic Toys' shopping guide at badvibes.org and Grist.org's "Breaking Up With My Blow-Up Doll". Also check out treehugger.com's green sex guide and The Green Girl's Guide To Sex from gogreenstreet.com for other ways you can help green your sex life.