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July 14, 2011

Is Cosmo Running Out of Things to Do With a Naked Dude?

Jezebel: The new Cosmo came today. It's the 'Hot Issue' so I'm hoping for some extra stupid sex tips. They've been a little boring lately.

Lilith: Oh right, the Hot Issue, not to be confused with the Sexy Issue or the other issues of Cosmo that are totally sexless.

Jezebel: Okay, here's a lovely photo essay called The Hottest Thing A Guy Can Do Naked.

Lilith: Do tell.

Jezebel: "A fierce debate at the Cosmo office still couldn't answer this question: What's the sexiest nude dude activity? So we polled readers online to settle the score. Turns out, you think many pursuits are better in the buff, but here are your top four."

Lilith: Good to know they're having "fierce debates" about the really important issues.

Jezebel: The first one is 'cook you breakfast'. Since you can't go out to brunch naked, they suggest that we "save a few bucks and encourage your man to roll out of bed to fry up a couple of eggs - 62 percent of you rated playing naked chef as a favorite".

Lilith: LOL. Okay, Cosmo. And what, no bacon?

Jezebel: Just what I want to do when I'm naked, fry something in scalding hot oil or butter.

Lilith: It's totally fun and fearless.

Jezebel: The photo is of a guy holding a frying pan wearing nothing but a strategically placed little apron, and the caption says "he's serving this with a side of buns". They are so witty.

Lilith: Ew.

Jezebel: Next up is "lounge around" (44%), followed by "give you a massage" (82%) and "grab a snack" (35%).

Lilith: Breakfast and a snack?!

Jezebel: I know, right? If you only have four choices, two of them can't be 'eat something naked'.

Lilith: Yeah, they really thought outside the box with these creative options.

Jezebel: I also like that those percentages add up to more than 100. I'd love to see what this poll looked like.

Lilith: I'm sure it was very scientific.

Jezebel: "Rank how much you would enjoy doing the following activities naked with your guy..."

Lilith: We should do a poll like that. Our choices would be way better.

Jezebel: Oh wait, there's also a sidebar. "Your least favorite naked-guy activity: changing a lightbulb."

Lilith: You're making that up. Why would that even be a choice?

Jezebel: Because it's Cosmo.

Lilith: But naked lightbulb-changing is totally hot! How many naked guys does it take to change a lightbulb?

Jezebel: Cosmo always asks the tough questions.


Yandie, Goddess of Pickles. said...

I wish a naked man would come and change MY lightbulbs. No, that's not a euphemism. I have 12 foot ceilings in my bedroom and I can't reach the light fixture. So he better be a TALL naked man.

Or a naked man with a ladder.

I'm tired of stubbing my toes in the dark.

Kari said...

As someone who spends about 85% of her down time naked with her boyfriend, being naked isn't really all that sexy...
Why is making breakfast naked sexier than making breakfast clothed? Why is watching tv naked sexier than watching tv clothed? Granted, it depends on what you are watching...

Anonymous said...

I couldn't disagree more about the naked chef thing! One morning an (now ex) boyfriend of mine invited me over for breakfast. He answered the door in a robe and instructed me to make myself comfortable at the breakfast bar, he poured me a glass of OJ and took off his robe and preceded to cook me a delicious breakfast (no bacon!) It was one the sexiest things a man has ever done for me outside the bedroom. He was a very attractive man with a nice body and after I told my sisters it became legendary in my family Naked breakfast rocks!