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September 13, 2011

Cosmo's Hypocritical Grooming Advice

The sex tips article in the September issue of Cosmo is called Guys Answer Your Sex Questions In 20 Words Or Less. They've been really into these Twitter-style super short tips lately, because they're lazy always up on the latest trends.
Cosmo put out a call for your sex Qs, and dayum, we were impressed with the variety of carnal topics you're curious about. We posed 75 to a panel of well-informed men and told them to be brief yet brutally honest.
Considering that Cosmo tends to just write about the same three or four "carnal topics" over and over, I'm sure they were impressed. It doesn't really translate into the article though, which is just the same recycled tips warmed over yet again. The only difference is that this time they're being served to us by a panel of "experts" that includes a host from Cosmo Radio, the creator of a website for wingmen, and former Cosmo editor and known douchebag Ky Henderson.

Amid all of the insights produced by this distinguished group of men, this gem caught my eye:
#10 Are unshaven legs (or other body parts) a turn-off?

Hell, yes. Shave that. It's not 1973 anymore. -David
Well, David seems like a perfectly charming gentleman, doesn't he? Personally, I would be happy to spend as much money and time as necessary to rip every hair out of my body with hot wax just to avoid offending his delicate sensibilities. I'll also be sure to abstain from wearing flared jeans, listening to Dark Side of the Moon, or making any references to "women's lib", lest I remind dear David of his aversion to the early 70s.

In case you're curious about the qualifications and expertise that David has that landed him a spot on this prestigious panel, it turns out that he's a respected scholar with a PhD in...just kidding, he was a contestant on The Bachelorette and wrote a book called The Man Code: A Woman's Guide to Cracking the Tough Guy. The book currently has only one review on Amazon.com - a one-star review entitled "Easily One of the Worst Books Ever Published". The reviewer calls the book a "complete waste of time" and the author "clueless", "a jerk", and "a media whore who simply wants attention". The moral of the story is, of course, that just because Cosmo says someone is "well-informed" or an expert, that doesn't make it true.

It turns out that grooming was a hot topic this month, because the issue is revisited later in the list.
#70 Would you ever not hook up with a girl because you weren't groomed down there?

Wait, guys are supposed to groom down there?! (Kidding. But no, we would never worry about that.) -Ky
Oh. Of course. In case this wasn't clear to us already. This is something that we, as women, should always worry about, for the comfort and enjoyment of men, because after all, this isn't 1973 anymore. But men? Men would never worry about that.

(Sidebar - We went into our Cosmo archives and pulled out the January 2011 issue, which features some of Ky Henderson's trademark horrible advice as well as an article called "The New Male Grooming Obsession (They call it 'Back, sack, and crack'.)" I'm re-traumatizing myself by remembering that painfully stupid title just to point out that Cosmo cannot go more than a few months without either recycling the same tips or giving tips that totally contradict each other, and this time is no different. Apparently back in January some men did "worry about that". Maybe they've had some kind of Man Symposium since then and officially taken 'manscaping' out of the party platform.)

Cosmo gets away with publishing this crap advice, which is the total opposite of the "fun fearless female" motto that they're supposed to be all about, by hiding behind 'it's not us saying this, it's our guy experts!'. As usual, it's clear that Cosmo preaches fearlessness while selling insecurity.


BARBBF said...

WELL...THAT WAS A VERY INTERESTING (and depressing)ARTICLE...I have been trying for years to figure out why my niece spends hundreds (or thousands??) every year getting bikini waxes. Now I know she's been reading too many of those stupid Cosmo articles!

Anonymous said...

God, I remember having a raging argument on a women's forum because one of the women's boyfriends mentioned he'd like it if she did a little landscaping. She was highly offended - but took it so far as to suggest that he was a pedophile and really wanted her to look like an adolescent. Ack. I've been au naturale, I've waxed, I've shaved - I've done whatever - but not because a man demanded it. Because I do what I do for my own pleasure and my own demented spur of the moment whims. My guy also manscapes - not because I demand it. I could not imagine telling another human being how they're supposed to manage their crotch. I also could not imagine dating a man who had crotch-waxing as a requirement. Good for you dude, go date whoever you want. You're not enlightened enough to get down MY pants.