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October 7, 2011

Herman Cain Invents Occupy Wall Street Conspiracy

Unless you've been living under a rock, you've probably heard about the Occupy Wall Street protests that are going on right now. Well, GOP presidential candidate Herman Cain has heard of them too, and he's not too happy about them. After a thorough investigation (only not really), he's gotten to the bottom of what the protesters are actually up to:

I don’t have facts to back this up, but I happen to believe that these demonstrations are planned and orchestrated to distract from the failed policies of the Obama administration. Don’t blame Wall Street, don’t blame the big banks, if you don’t have a job and you’re not rich, blame yourself! [...] It is not someone’s fault if they succeeded, it is someone’s fault if they failed. [ThinkProgress. Emphasis mine.]
Honestly, I don't really care that much about these predictably stupid comments, but I'm kinda loving the profound truth in his opener. "I don't have facts to back this up, but..." is basically the theme not just of Cain's campaign, but the entire Republican field of candidates. Michele Bachmann on birth control? Rick Perry on the economy? Rick Santorum on homosexuality? Newt Gingrich about his popularity on Twitter? It works every time. I give Cain a tiny slice of credit in this situation because at least he owned the fact that his little theory was pure fiction with no basis in reality. 'I don't have facts to back this up, but I wish it was true so I'm going to say it anyway'.

You know that game that people play with fortune cookies where they add "...in bed" to the end of whatever their fortune says? I find this to be just as fun. Every time one of these GOP candidates starts to spout off about something, I just add "I don't have facts to back this up, but..." to the front of it. Great stress relief, I recommend it. Try it at home!

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