Just yesterday we were talking about the taste of semen. (Yeah, you read that correctly.)
We were checking out some of the Masque samples that we got at the MOMENTUM Conference. (Masque is a new line of orally-dissolvable, flavored gel strips that block the flavors associated with fellatio.) Neither of us is personally that offended by the taste of semen. Maybe we don't love the flavor but we've never had a problem swallowing after oral sex. However we realize that many many men and women do have a problem with the taste, so that's why we think Masque is an ingenious product. Anything that makes oral sex (or sexuality in general) a more positive or enjoyable experience for people is a good thing. And even if you don't mind the taste of semen, sometimes it's fun to mix it up a little.
So right in the middle of our conversation about the taste of semen, we noticed that Cosmo posted something on Twitter about drinking pineapple juice before oral sex to improve the taste! Oh Cosmo, sometimes it's as though you can read our minds. But then you take that psychic connection and go and fuck it up!
Now, it's not a bad tip. Any fruit high in natural sugar is likely to increase the sweetness of your body's secretions but don't expect your man's penis to taste like a piña colada. There is evidence to support the theory that a change in diet can improve the taste of semen, but... it's still semen. However, in true Cosmo-form, they act like this is the most amazing tip ever (like that time they told us about that brand new amazing invention called lube).
Apparently there's a section on their website erroneously called "Cosmo's Best. Sex. Ever. Blog". (Sorry, but if this is the best sex ever, then that's just really really really sad. Read on... you'll see what we mean.) The blog follows the (allegedly) true stories of 20-something "S" and her boyfriend "D"'s sexual escapades:
Our naughty blogger is back and feeling ballsier than ever. And this time, we're letting you ladies choose the dares that S. and D. will be trying out! Every week we'll post two hot ideas on Facebook and Twitter. Then our followers and fans (that's you!) will vote for one or suggest something even hotter and read the sexy recaps right here.Neither the sex nor the dares sound very hot or very interesting so far. I mean, it's not shocking - considering that the last time they tried this "sex challenges" idea, they included relatively tame ideas like eating candy necklaces off of each other, kissing for a full minute (gasp!), and putting your hair in a ponytail and having him gently yank it from behind - but it's still a pretty slow start.
And the writing is bad, like cringe-worthy bad, 50 Shades of Grey bad. You can tell that "S" is trying really hard to be cute and witty, while at the same time still come off as totally naughty but she fails at both and the result is just painfully bad. It's kind of hilarious that Cosmo thinks of itself as a magazine full of super sex experts (there are "sex tips" in every issue) yet this is the best they can do for a sex blogger and their first "hot idea" is to eat pineapple.
Just in case you think we're being unnecessarily snarky, we've included a few excerpts to show just how terrible this sex blog is...