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October 31, 2012

The ESC's Third Annual Sexy Halloween Costumes That Aren't

Happy Halloween! This year we're continuing our tradition of rounding up pictures of our favorite "sexy" Halloween costumes. Sexy Halloween costumes are nothing new, but if you've shopped for a costume in the last few years you've probably noticed that the "sexy _____" costume trend has really gotten out of control. Here are our previous posts on the subject if you want to get caught up:
We were a little bit concerned that there wouldn't be enough new material to do this for a third time, but we shouldn't have worried. The sexy costume industry is constantly innovating. Once again all of the costume pictures in this post are from Yandy.com, but they're certainly not the only offenders. They just have the largest selection.

As always, the most disturbing sexy costumes for us are always the ones that are based on children's TV, movie, and book characters. Because who among us hasn't read a Dr. Seuss book or watched a classic Warner Brothers cartoon and thought "this really needs to be sexed up a little bit", right?

Sexy Grinch and Sexy Lorax

 Sexy Bugs Bunny and Sexy Tweety Bird

Sexy Winnie the Pooh is particularly disturbing because it looks as though she hunted, killed, and skinned him to make her costume.

We actually think that Yandy may have gotten in trouble for their costumes based on Sesame Street characters this year. Check out these Bert, Ernie, and Big Bird costumes, and the masks that show up as "related products" for each one:

 Sexy Green Overalls Set, Faux Denim Overalls Set, and Yellow Dress & Stockings

 Bert Mask, Ernie Mask, and Big Bird Headband

But in the original versions of these pictures that we saw when we first started researching this post, the models were wearing the masks and costumes together. And these costumes make no sense without the masks (not that they actually "make sense", but you know) so we're wondering if maybe they were asked to make it slightly less obvious that they were selling sexy costumes based on characters beloved by preschoolers. But don't worry, sexy Oscar the Grouch made it through unedited:

Sexy Trash Monster

This year we also noticed a trend of sexy video game character costumes. Why stick with the usual choices like Princess Peach when you can step it up a notch and go as sexy Mario and Luigi or sexy Link?

Sexy Mario, Sexy Luigi, and Sexy Link

And while we're on the subject, Fuck No Sexist Halloween Costumes is a great place to go to compare men's and women's versions of costumes for the same characters. You might notice some subtle differences.

Sexy food costumes are always a thing for some reason. This sexy hamburger costume is like 80% bun. Someone must be on a high carb diet.

We're not sure why anyone would want to be a sexy hamburger, but if you're going to do it you should at least have a proper bun/meat/toppings ratio. Maybe these sexy orange and lime wedge costumes would be better:

We actually think the lime wedge costume could be saved if you could get a friend or date to go with you in the sexy beer costume that we featured last year. 

On a more serious note, there are always those costumes that cross the line from random and goofy to offensive. Racist and "politically incorrect" costumes are not okay. Halloween isn't a free pass to dress up like an offensive stereotype. Unfortunately Yandy hasn't gotten this memo, which is why this post includes a special section every year for those costumes that fail to attain a heightened sense of cultural sensitivity.  It wasn't even so much the costumes themselves (although they are ridiculous) that got to us this year, but the names of some of the costumes.

 Reservation Royalty, Hot On The Trail, and Chief Wansum Tail

 Asian Persuasion, Shanghai Delight, and Geisha Beauty to Ninja Cutie

Insert your "sexy cock" jokes here. Or don't, that would be okay too.

 Sexy Rooster

These sexy skeleton costumes don't seem quite anatomically correct to us. And some women's studies student somewhere is probably writing an entire paper right now on the symbolism of these costumes and the idea that even our bones are supposed to be sexy:

 Glow in the Dark Sexy Skeleton and Fever Skeleton Tutu Dress

If we had to say something somewhat positive about Yandy.com, we could say that they really do have something for everyone. No matter what you're into, Yandy has a sexy costume for you. No, seriously:

 Sexy Gnome and Sexy Toy Soldier

Sexy Mime and Cry Baby

But every year there's one costume that stands out above the rest for us as the most bizarre and random sexy costume of the year. Two years ago it was Sexy George Washington (still my personal favorite, and we still call dibs on the Sexy Founding Fathers group costume idea), and last year it was Sexy Hulkamania. This year? Meet Sexy Beetlejuice:

Sexy Beetlejuice, Sexy Beetlejuice, Sexy Beetlejuice! Was there a huge demand for this costume? Is there an ongoing challenge among costume designers for who can take the least sexy characters imaginable and turn them sexy? Our favorite part of this costume is that there's a patch on the skirt that says Beetlejuice so that people know what the hell you're supposed to be and you don't have to the spend the entire night going "I'm Beetlejuice! Yeah, a sexy version of Beetlejuice...no, I'm not kidding". We can't wait to see what they'll come up with next year.


Anonymous said...

Ok that's just weird.
Chief Wansum Tail is sad.
The Beetlejuice dress itself is really cute, but not as Beetlejuice. Gah.

Can I just take a sec to bitch about the large number of "sexy plus-size costumes" that are basically just bigger versions of the midriff-baring "sexy costumes"?? Hi, I am plus-sized but that does not mean by measurements are just bigger than a skinny person, my proportions are completely different!

Epiphora said...

I never thought I would hear the phrase "Sexy Lorax." Ever in my life.

Is it weird that I kind of like the hamburger dress? Not in a Halloween way, but I want to wear it all the time as a dress. And I don't even like dresses.

Jezebel said...

I don't think it's weird to like it - like I said in the post, my main problem with it is that the proportions are off. And I agree with stabbinrobots that the Beetlejuice dress is actually kinda cute, aside from the fact that it's supposed to be Sexy Beetlejuice. But yeah, Sexy Lorax is beyond defense.

Anonymous said...

Sexy Lorax? Wtf I can't even.

(I do sort of love the Sexy Link one in spite of myself, though. Idk.)

Batocchio said...

The Winnie the Pooh one is disturbing.

I'd be impressed by an authentic geisha costume, but that's the kicker: you'd have to know the culture well and appreciate it to pull it off. That's not the operating principle here...